+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 3 of 3
  1. #1
    Singles Match Play Champ 2009 Team Match Play Champ 2013, 2014 leftylucas is on a distinguished road leftylucas's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Pine Arbour Estates, Port Elmsley

    Golfer's handbook

    I have seen many of these scroll across the banner on this site but they are still pretty funny:


    Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to
    throw it.

    Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in
    your mind during your swing.

    When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you
    can either hit one more club or two more balls.

    If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green
    while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options:
    you can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear
    and top a ball halfway there.

    The less skilled the player, the more likely he is
    to share his ideas about the golf swing.

    No matter how bad you are playing, it is always
    possible to play worse.

    The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the
    instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you
    to compensate for all of your many other errors

    Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect
    approach shot

    A golf match is a test of your skill against your
    opponents' luck.

    It is surprisingly easy to hole a fifty foot putt .
    For a 10.

    Counting on your opponent to inform you when he
    breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

    Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts

    It's not a gimme if you're still 5 feet away.

    The shortest distance between any two points on a
    golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a
    very large tree..

    You can hit a two acre fairway 10% of the time and a
    two inch branch 90% of the time

    If you really want to get better at golf, go back
    and take it up at a much earlier age.

    Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth
    bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.

    When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will
    always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start

    watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.

    Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must
    subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium
    of the universe

    If you want to hit a 7 iron as far as Tiger Woods
    does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard.

    To calculate the speed of a player's downswing,
    multiply the speed of his back-swing by his handicap; I.e., back-swing 20
    mph , handicap 15, downswing = 300 mph.

    One of my personal favorites:
    There are two things you can learn by stopping your
    back-swing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many
    hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.

    Hazards attract; fairways repel. Keep this in mind

    A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away
    is not yours.

    If there is a ball on the fringe and a ball in the
    bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours
    is in the footprint

    It's easier to get up at 6:00 AM to play golf than
    at 10:00 to mow the lawn

    A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a
    golfer from giving up the game.

    Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because
    you always end up having to pray a lot.

    A good golf partner is one who's always slightly
    worse than you are....that's why I get so many calls to play with friends

    If there's a storm rolling in, you'll be having the
    game of your life.

    Golf balls are like eggs. They're white. They're
    sold by the dozen. And you need to buy fresh ones each week.

    It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out around
    the house will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand

    If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he
    shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight (or worse).
    Lefty Lucas
    I am abidextrous, I once golfed right-handed and now I shoot left-handed just as badly!

  2. #2
    Nationwide Player Mr. Chi is on a distinguished road Mr. Chi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    These made me laugh.....and made me feel guilty at the same time lol

  3. #3
    Pitching Wedge golfsparks is on a distinguished road golfsparks's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Quote Originally Posted by leftylucas View Post
    Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because
    you always end up having to pray a lot.
    nice one . partly true.
    Have a great [URL="http://www.golfzoo.com"]golf vacation[/URL] my friend...

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)


Similar Threads

  1. New golfer
    By hiyatran in forum Introductions and Greets
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 09-25-2010, 08:17 PM
  2. Another new golfer!
    By anguswf in forum Introductions and Greets
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 07-17-2007, 07:35 AM
  3. Hi! New golfer here...
    By Skiddlydidly in forum Introductions and Greets
    Replies: 33
    Last Post: 07-07-2007, 09:10 PM
  4. The Golfer
    By Chieflongtee in forum Humour
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 04-20-2007, 07:28 AM
  5. You Know You're a Bad Golfer If...
    By fireice in forum General Golf Talk
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 03-02-2003, 04:04 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts