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Forum: Golf Jokes

Good clean fun

  1. Sticky Thread Sticky: PG rated golf jokes only please

    PG rated golf jokes only please.

    Started by Kilroy‎, 11-20-2005 06:07 AM
    • Replies: 0
    • Views: 23,817
    11-20-2005 06:07 AM Go to last post
  1. Now This Guy Is Just Plain Stupid

    Ok you have to see this act and then you will know what the title of this post means! http://www.anothersite.co.uk/gallery/index.php?action=showpic&cat=7&pic=1113

    Started by Golfbum‎, 07-29-2005 07:38 PM
    • Replies: 20
    • Views: 11,785
    09-28-2006 08:40 PM Go to last post
  2. Robin Williams on golf

    I know you all heard this before and it's funny as heck but here is the link in case you want to have a laugh. :-) :laughing: Robin Williams on golf NOTE: there is some language with this video

    Started by NoBack‎, 07-12-2005 07:55 PM
    • Replies: 3
    • Views: 7,687
    09-27-2006 01:00 PM Go to last post
  3. One Liner's

    A Rock Hudson Putt: Looks straight...but it ain't... Two ants sat on the grass watching a duffer dig up the course. One said to the other, “Let’s get on the ball before he kills us!” Two golfers are at the first tee: Golfer one: ``Hey, guess what? I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!'' Golfer...

    Started by Kilroy‎, 06-25-2005 10:49 AM
    • Replies: 1
    • Views: 27,552
    09-27-2006 11:23 AM Go to last post
  4. he knew nothing

    A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he’d try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green." The novice...

    Started by Kilroy‎, 06-25-2005 12:06 PM
    • Replies: 2
    • Views: 4,399
    09-27-2006 11:18 AM Go to last post
  5. Trouble

    One fine day, Dan and Steve are out golfing. Dan slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. The brush is quite thick, but Dan searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he...

    Started by The Saint‎, 07-06-2005 08:05 AM
    • Replies: 1
    • Views: 4,627
    09-27-2006 11:16 AM Go to last post
  6. Golf Gun

    Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. "How was he killed?" asked one detective. "With a golf gun," the other detective replied. "A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?" "I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."

    Started by Golfbum‎, 08-22-2005 03:45 PM
    • Replies: 1
    • Views: 4,698
    09-27-2006 11:14 AM Go to last post
  7. The Shortest Fairy Tale

    Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said "No." And the guy lived happily ever after and went golfing a lot. THE END

    Started by Colby‎, 08-22-2005 11:24 AM
    • Replies: 1
    • Views: 4,431
    09-27-2006 11:13 AM Go to last post
  8. Golf Trip

    A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun. He arrives and plays a round of golf. It cost him a buck. When he goes for dinner that evening, it costs him another buck. His room is only...

    Started by Golfbum‎, 08-15-2005 10:31 PM
    • Replies: 1
    • Views: 5,176
    09-27-2006 11:08 AM Go to last post
  9. Drinking and Driving

    Hmmmmmm Ever wonder why so many carts end up crashing? :laughing:

    Started by NoBack‎, 07-23-2005 11:29 AM
    • Replies: 1
    • Views: 4,112
    09-27-2006 11:03 AM Go to last post
  10. Walking

    The room was full of pregnant women, with their partners. The >>Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the >>women how to breathe properly, and was telling the men how to give >>the necessary assurances to their partners at this stage of the >>pregnancy. >> >> ...

    Started by InTheZone‎, 09-20-2006 12:05 AM
    • Replies: 1
    • Views: 2,971
    09-27-2006 11:01 AM Go to last post
  11. Things to say after you or someone has had a bad shot.

    Swiped these from another forum 1. "Put me down for 8, where's the beer cart?" 2. When you leave the first putt way short..... There is some chicken left on that bone. 3. when you play a course with alot of houses and someone jacks it straight at one........... yell,

    Started by Rusty‎, 09-24-2005 11:08 PM
    • Replies: 18
    • Views: 21,576
    09-27-2006 10:25 AM Go to last post
  12. Phone Fees

    Observed on the wall in the bar at Burning Tree, the men-only golf club for Washington DC's elite: Bar-Phone Fees: $1- "Not here" $2- "On his way out" $3- "Just left" $4- "Haven't seen him all day" $5- "Who?"

    Started by Law‎, 01-14-2006 04:48 PM
    • Replies: 1
    • Views: 3,888
    09-18-2006 04:23 PM Go to last post
  13. It's a Gimmie

    It's a Gimmie

    Started by Kilroy‎, 07-23-2005 07:12 AM
    • Replies: 7
    • Views: 5,941
    09-18-2006 04:19 PM Go to last post
  14. Coming To A Pro Shop Near You

    Rumour has it that this new golf accessory will be available in a Pro Shop near you soon. :-)

    Started by Golfbum‎, 03-02-2006 04:05 PM
    • Replies: 4
    • Views: 4,515
    09-18-2006 04:13 PM Go to last post
  15. Photoshoped golfers

    OK let's have some fun with pro golfers in photoshop!

    Started by Kilroy‎, 01-11-2006 08:06 PM
    • Replies: 13
    • Views: 5,457
    09-18-2006 04:06 PM Go to last post
  16. Tiger's new boat

    Tiger's new boat.

    Started by Chieflongtee‎, 03-01-2006 09:34 AM
    • Replies: 14
    • Views: 7,463
    09-18-2006 03:59 PM Go to last post
  17. Not for the faint-of-heart golfer... balls in a vise

    A bit of a groan may be heard.

    Started by duffer69‎, 07-24-2006 01:20 PM
    • Replies: 1
    • Views: 4,605
    09-18-2006 03:57 PM Go to last post
  18. How many beers before you let your friend do this?


    Started by Kilroy‎, 07-27-2006 07:15 AM
    • Replies: 14
    • Views: 8,127
    09-18-2006 03:52 PM Go to last post
  19. Putter Throwing Contest

    Every course should offer this!:laughing:

    Started by Golfbum‎, 09-01-2006 08:22 PM
    • Replies: 2
    • Views: 3,157
    09-18-2006 03:46 PM Go to last post
  20. Smile! Moses is back

    Good news guys, stroke and distance is out Bad news though, lying is still forbidden.

    Started by Marmotte‎, 03-16-2006 04:29 PM
    • Replies: 1
    • Views: 3,183
    09-18-2006 03:42 PM Go to last post
  21. Golfer's Beware

    >>>> A golfer is looking for his ball in the woods when he comes up to >>>> another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly pressed against the >>>> tree. Seeing this he inquires, "Just out of curiosity, what the >>>> hell are you doing?" >>>> >>>> "I'm listening to the music of the tree."...

    Started by bobblehead‎, 04-08-2006 05:05 PM
    • Replies: 4
    • Views: 4,608
    09-18-2006 03:42 PM Go to last post
  22. Another purpose

    An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for the little blue "Viagra" pill. The pharmacist asked "How many?" The man replied, "Just a few, maybe a half dozen. I cut each one into four pieces." The pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get...

    Started by sparsons‎, 08-22-2006 07:27 AM
    • Replies: 1
    • Views: 2,975
    09-18-2006 03:39 PM Go to last post
  23. The ho scale

    The club ho scale: 3 seperate classes of ho's Class A=The collector,one who buys as much as he or she can,simply to store. Class B=The player who relies on new models/technology in hope of improving his/her score. Class C=The player who cant resist the allure of shiny new gear,thus never...

    Started by covanant‎, 03-17-2006 03:41 PM
    • Replies: 28
    • Views: 16,347
    09-15-2006 10:04 PM Go to last post
  24. Golf Truths...

    Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls. If you're afraid a full shot might reach the...

    Started by Golfer_Gofer‎, 05-19-2006 09:07 AM
    • Replies: 12
    • Views: 5,433
    09-15-2006 11:23 AM Go to last post
  25. Dentist

    A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one hell of a hurry! I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf. So forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the...

    Started by Golfer_Gofer‎, 07-06-2006 01:16 PM
    • Replies: 1
    • Views: 3,268
    09-15-2006 11:19 AM Go to last post
  26. The 2006 Golf Rules For Seniors

    I think that you have to be retired to be allowed to use these new rules.:-) The 2006 golf rules for seniors: Rule 1

    Started by Golfbum‎, 03-22-2006 11:43 PM
    • Replies: 5
    • Views: 9,787
    09-15-2006 11:14 AM Go to last post
  27. very funny "tiger" clip


    Started by "Richard"‎, 03-21-2006 01:23 AM
    • Replies: 5
    • Views: 4,838
    09-15-2006 11:11 AM Go to last post
  28. Do You Fall Into This Category?

    I hate to miss a day of SHERMAN'S LAGOON, and this is the reason why :-) How many of us fall into this category? I know I do :laughing:

    Started by Golfbum‎, 08-01-2006 02:36 PM
    • Replies: 4
    • Views: 3,214
    09-15-2006 11:06 AM Go to last post
  29. Playing Through

    A husband and wife were playing on the ninth green when he collapsed from a heart attack. "Please dear, I need help." he said. The wife ran off saying, "I'll go get some help."

    Started by Golfbum‎, 07-05-2006 06:06 AM
    • Replies: 1
    • Views: 3,411
    09-15-2006 11:03 AM Go to last post
  30. Why Golf Is Better Than Sex

    David Letterman's Top Ten Reasons Why Golf Is Better Than Sex..... #10...A below par performance is considered damn good. #9...You can stop in the middle

    Started by bobblehead‎, 06-21-2006 02:25 PM
    • Replies: 8
    • Views: 4,593
    09-15-2006 10:57 AM Go to last post
  31. tiger joke

    tiger drives up to a gas station to get gas,he gets out of his car and some tee,s fall out of his pockit. the guy serving the gas said.what are they.and tiger said. they are to rest my balls on when iam driving. the gas guy said what will they think of next with these new cars.

    Started by golf charlie‎, 05-01-2006 08:00 PM
    • Replies: 1
    • Views: 8,164
    09-15-2006 10:54 AM Go to last post
  32. Old Golf Ball

    An old ball at the bottom of a golf bag is ranting and raving. "I'm sick of this" he says. "It's hot and dark in here, and I never seem to get taken out to play anymore" A nearby plastic tee shakes his head. "Unbelievable", he says. "A talking golf ball."

    Started by Law‎, 01-14-2006 04:44 PM
    • Replies: 2
    • Views: 19,820
    09-15-2006 10:51 AM Go to last post
  33. You know you are addicted to golf when ...

    You know you are addicted to golf when: - you go to the course alone and pair up with anyone at all - you finish 18 holes and announce to your group you are ready for 9 more - you often get upset because you only managed to get in 4 rounds in one week - you wish there were 6 warmup holes...

    Started by zoic‎, 08-10-2006 09:29 AM
    2 Pages
    1 2
    • Replies: 30
    • Views: 18,939
    09-15-2006 10:40 AM Go to last post
  34. A Great Game

    A man was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdy the second. On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole in one when his cell phone rang. It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a...

    Started by Arnold Kleiman‎, 08-25-2006 02:49 PM
    • Replies: 1
    • Views: 2,747
    09-15-2006 10:21 AM Go to last post
  35. Story With A Moral

    Story with a Moral In 1923, Who Was: 1. President of the largest steel company?

    Started by Golfbum‎, 04-24-2006 12:59 PM
    • Replies: 2
    • Views: 3,603
    09-15-2006 10:17 AM Go to last post
  36. Really Useful Golf Book

    I should have placed this reply in this section of this site. Ah well, here it is: A friend of mine is writing a golf book entitled Winning Golf Strategies. The book gives the reader valuable playing tips and insider information that has been gleaned from years of experience in the game and...

    Started by mpare‎, 07-01-2006 01:59 PM
    • Replies: 0
    • Views: 3,058
    07-01-2006 01:59 PM Go to last post
  37. Beware of lost golf balls

    A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes,and a five-iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the Doctor asked him, "What happened to you?" "Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole; we both sliced...

    Started by bobblehead‎, 06-09-2006 11:19 AM
    • Replies: 4
    • Views: 3,929
    06-13-2006 10:25 PM Go to last post
  38. Tacky Golf Items

    Men: A putter plunger to help pick up your ball without bending over. If you can't bend over hire a caddy. Women: Those giant visors sometimes flaunting a bow on the front. They are WAY too big and obnoxious, and could be hazardous in a strong wind. Coloured golf balls. There is still some...

    Started by Kilroy‎, 06-25-2005 10:30 AM
    2 Pages
    1 2
    • Replies: 37
    • Views: 20,228
    05-30-2006 11:25 AM Go to last post
  39. 15 Years Of Marriage

    A husband and wife go to a counselor after 15 years of marriage. The counselor asks them what the problem is and the wife goes into a tirade listing every problem they have ever had in the 15 years they've been married. She goes on and on and on. Finally, the counselor gets up, walks around...

    Started by Golfbum‎, 03-29-2006 07:22 PM
    • Replies: 0
    • Views: 10,512
    03-29-2006 07:22 PM Go to last post
  40. Naked tour players....

    I was talking to my friend on msn earlier today and this is the convo I've had with him (I'm Depe). He is also a memeber, but he reads.. doesn't post Depe J says: Congrats, that’s awesome. Hope you like the set, you got a wicked deal ARUN says: i can’t wait for my clubs ...

    Started by "Richard"‎, 03-26-2006 05:29 PM
    • Replies: 4
    • Views: 4,554
    03-29-2006 07:05 PM Go to last post
  41. ck this out

    Anyone wanna go half with me? http://cgi.ebay.ca/BETTINARDI-DASS-LEFT-HANDED-BB-2-DREAMWEAVER-SPIDER-WEB_W0QQitemZ7221966627QQcategoryZ115280QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

    Started by covanant‎, 03-01-2006 05:46 PM
    • Replies: 8
    • Views: 6,363
    03-07-2006 10:27 PM Go to last post
  42. Names for Golf Shots

    A Kate Winslett - a bit fat but otherwise perfect A Rodney King - Over Clubbed An OJ Simpson - somehow got away with it A sister in law - up there, but I know that I shouldn't be A Paula Radcliffe - ugly but a good runner A Kate Moss - a bit thin Punching Gerry Adams - hitting a provisional...

    Started by Colby‎, 02-08-2006 11:17 AM
    • Replies: 4
    • Views: 17,210
    02-25-2006 08:14 AM Go to last post
  43. New signboy ads

    http://www.footjoy.com/signboy/ :laughing:

    Started by Kilroy‎, 02-06-2006 08:53 AM
    • Replies: 4
    • Views: 3,765
    02-07-2006 11:02 AM Go to last post
  44. Magic Golf Ball

    Last season, I played a round with a friend of mine who was playing an unusual golf ball. "Its magic", he declared, " It glows so you can see it in the rough, it beeps so you can find it in the woods, and it floats so you can fish it out of the drink." "That's amazing", says I, "Where'd you...

    Started by Garhardt‎, 01-25-2006 09:07 AM
    • Replies: 0
    • Views: 3,271
    01-25-2006 09:07 AM Go to last post
  45. New Golf Book

    Table Of Contents: Chapter 1 How To Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt Chapter 2 How To Hit A Nike From The Rough When You Hit A Titleist From The Tee Chapter 3 How To Avoid The Water When You Lie 8 In A Bunker

    Started by EDSGOLF‎, 01-10-2006 11:03 AM
    • Replies: 1
    • Views: 3,786
    01-10-2006 02:10 PM Go to last post
  46. Water Hazard

    At the end of a terrible day on the limks, Larry came up to the 18th tee with its imposing water hazard. Tremendously distraught, he turned to his caddy and said, "I can't take it any more. I'm going to drown myself in that lake." His caddie said, 'You'll never drown.You can't keep your head...

    Started by Lil-SandShark‎, 01-09-2006 03:04 AM
    • Replies: 0
    • Views: 3,489
    01-09-2006 03:04 AM Go to last post
  47. Golf in Africa

    A businessman was attending a Conference in Africa. He had a free day and wanted to play a round of Golf. He asked whether there was any course in the vicinity and was directed to one in the jungle. After a short journey, he arrived at the Course and advised the Pro that he wanted to play 18...

    Started by Kilroy‎, 06-25-2005 12:16 PM
    • Replies: 6
    • Views: 4,228
    12-23-2005 03:36 PM Go to last post
  48. not bad, Robin Williams on golf

    The end of this is golf relevant...be aware, some uses of the F-word. http://www.hedonistica.com/media.php?path=/videos/robin_williams_on_golf.wmv

    Started by Golfpeasant‎, 12-22-2005 09:45 PM
    • Replies: 3
    • Views: 4,275
    12-23-2005 08:50 AM Go to last post
  49. ****, I missed

    don't recall seeing this one posted... A Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off and enjoying a round of golf. The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing. He missed the ball entirely and said "****, I missed."...

    Started by Law‎, 09-20-2005 01:55 PM
    • Replies: 2
    • Views: 4,759
    11-30-2005 11:10 AM Go to last post
  50. Golf Instruction Book

    You may have read this book before, but, it never hurts to read more info on golf. :-) Here is a book to read......The chapters are summarized below. Chapter 1 - How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt Chapter 2 - How to Hit a Nike from the Rough When You Hit a Titleist from the Tee ...

    Started by Golfbum‎, 10-25-2005 12:36 AM
    • Replies: 0
    • Views: 5,994
    10-25-2005 12:36 AM Go to last post

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