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Forum: Golf Jokes

Good clean fun

  1. Sticky Thread Sticky: PG rated golf jokes only please

    PG rated golf jokes only please.

    Started by Kilroy‎, 11-20-2005 06:07 AM
    • Replies: 0
    • Views: 23,871
    11-20-2005 06:07 AM Go to last post
  1. Ode to the ball...

    In My Hand I Hold A Ball, White And Dimpled, Rather Small. Oh, How Bland It Does Appear, This Harmless Looking Little Sphere.. By It's Size I Could Not Guess, The Awesome Strength It Does Possess. But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell, I've Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell.

    Started by Kilroy‎, 08-15-2009 10:52 PM
    • Replies: 0
    • Views: 11,607
    08-15-2009 10:52 PM Go to last post
  2. Actual calls received at the public golf course

    ACTUAL CALLS RECEIVED AT THE PUBLIC GOLF COURSE (Amherst, Mass.) Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: What are your green fees? Staff: 38 dollars. Caller: Does that include golf? ------------------------------------------------- ...

    Started by paulfourputt‎, 08-11-2009 03:10 PM
    • Replies: 1
    • Views: 12,487
    08-15-2009 07:54 AM Go to last post
  3. Talking My next purchase-A must read

    :-) Subject: Golf Book Many of you may not know it, but I have been very busy over the last 4 years putting my thoughts and ideas together in a book. I am very proud of the results and to assist with the marketing, I am asking friends and family to help me out. I believe my new book on...

    Started by Chieflongtee‎, 06-10-2009 04:33 PM
    • Replies: 7
    • Views: 13,794
    06-12-2009 08:10 PM Go to last post
  4. Thumbs up Golf Trivia Challenge

    Started by Kiwi‎, 04-26-2008 07:40 AM
    • Replies: 17
    • Views: 19,316
    06-02-2009 10:40 AM Go to last post
  5. When the boss calls in sick

    Had a good chuckle with this one. Thought I'd share.

    Started by Instinct‎, 05-20-2009 03:35 PM
    • Replies: 0
    • Views: 10,595
    05-20-2009 03:35 PM Go to last post
  6. mighty swing

    A golfer set up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit through. Taking out his 3-wood, he took another mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in...

    Started by 314314‎, 08-12-2008 01:42 PM
    • Replies: 2
    • Views: 11,238
    05-11-2009 12:25 AM Go to last post
  7. funny golf joke from Readers Digest

    can't remember the exact writing... Fred comes home from his usual Saturday golf game and is welcomed with a "Hi Honey, how was your golf game" from his wife. Fred answer's "Awful, Harry dropped dead on the tenth hole". "Oh my dear, that's terrible" replies his wife. "You're telling me, the...

    Started by Ryebo‎, 10-27-2008 02:32 PM
    • Replies: 1
    • Views: 6,862
    05-11-2009 12:23 AM Go to last post
  8. Funny Golf Videos

    Started by rezadue‎, 10-28-2008 07:44 PM
    • Replies: 3
    • Views: 12,425
    05-11-2009 12:22 AM Go to last post
  9. The Scottish Golfer

    An 80-year-old Scotsman goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, "How do you stay in such great physical condition?" I'm Scottish and I am a golfer," says the old guy, "and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight...

    Started by LobWedge‎, 11-07-2008 10:23 PM
    • Replies: 4
    • Views: 7,148
    05-11-2009 12:17 AM Go to last post
  10. Only David Feherty could pull that one... on TIGER :laughing::laughing::laughing:

    Started by joceber‎, 05-06-2009 11:05 AM
    • Replies: 6
    • Views: 6,608
    05-08-2009 01:11 AM Go to last post
  11. Funny Video

    The funniest part of the song "my putter alone cost a thousand bucks".

    Started by lms‎, 11-03-2008 09:15 PM
    • Replies: 2
    • Views: 11,582
    04-29-2009 09:51 AM Go to last post
  12. Who's In The Shower?

    A fellow was invited by a friend to play a round of golf at the latter's country club. However, he somehow wandered into the women's locker room and shower area. He was under a shower when he heard the locker room door open, followed by the sound of female voices. He waited a bit, hoping the...

    Started by bobblehead‎, 02-12-2009 10:19 AM
    • Replies: 2
    • Views: 5,905
    04-29-2009 12:55 AM Go to last post
  13. Golf, And What It Means

    Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer. Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks ...

    Started by Golfbum‎, 01-23-2009 07:52 AM
    • Replies: 1
    • Views: 4,005
    04-28-2009 11:35 PM Go to last post
  14. Dear abby

    Dear Abby: I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with 'the girls' a lot...

    Started by tacks451‎, 12-18-2008 11:13 PM
    • Replies: 0
    • Views: 3,970
    12-18-2008 11:13 PM Go to last post
  15. 20 Laws Of Golf

    20 absolute laws of golf 1: No matter how bad your last shot was it won't be your worst. 2: After playing your best round of golf you can be sure that your next round will be one of your worst. The probability of this law coming true increases with the number of people you tell...

    Started by Golfbum‎, 08-24-2008 07:05 PM
    • Replies: 3
    • Views: 6,126
    12-09-2008 02:32 AM Go to last post
  16. Afterlife

    A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife. After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact, 'Connie ...Connie': 'Is that...

    Started by bobblehead‎, 11-28-2008 10:46 AM
    • Replies: 0
    • Views: 3,445
    11-28-2008 10:46 AM Go to last post
  17. Bunnyshack!!

    The Starz bunnies do Caddy Shack in 30 seconds...

    Started by LobWedge‎, 11-12-2008 11:41 AM
    • Replies: 2
    • Views: 4,639
    11-13-2008 04:08 PM Go to last post
  18. The Golf Song :)

    Started by Golfbum‎, 10-23-2008 03:46 PM
    • Replies: 1
    • Views: 8,992
    10-27-2008 12:13 PM Go to last post
  19. More of Feherty

    David Feherty "I was always pervertedly fond of the way Corey Pavin played, even though losing to the Chaplin-esque chopper is like getting your ass kicked by a grinning garden gnome."

    Started by rpangman‎, 09-26-2008 11:19 PM
    • Replies: 0
    • Views: 4,152
    09-26-2008 11:19 PM Go to last post
  20. The Brake Failed

    His partner thought his blackberry was getting wet and jumped in to save the clubs and phones. This happened on the first hole so he played the 18 in bare feet.

    Started by 4PUTT‎, 06-16-2008 10:52 PM
    • Replies: 3
    • Views: 6,814
    08-18-2008 08:42 PM Go to last post
  21. Hockey Stick Putters

    Anyone have one?

    Started by foxman‎, 11-23-2007 02:25 PM
    • Replies: 11
    • Views: 17,758
    08-13-2008 08:38 PM Go to last post
  22. The Ulitmate Lesson

    Did one of our members write this? I have at least one of our frequent visitors in mind. :-)

    Started by mpare‎, 07-08-2008 05:59 AM
    • Replies: 4
    • Views: 4,897
    07-08-2008 08:01 PM Go to last post
  23. Dear Abby

    Dear Abby, I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. I've witnessed the usual signals; the phone rings, but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with 'the girls' a lot...

    Started by Golfbum‎, 07-08-2008 06:32 AM
    • Replies: 1
    • Views: 4,741
    07-08-2008 07:35 AM Go to last post
  24. LOL golf prank call bet he was waiting at 6am!

    Started by sillywilly‎, 07-07-2008 02:31 PM
    • Replies: 0
    • Views: 4,270
    07-07-2008 02:31 PM Go to last post
  25. New Club For Use In The Rough

    Hey this is the club you need right here for those times (Now I know not many of you drive it wildly :-)) when you are in the deep rough after missing a fairway! BIG DADDY DRIVER :laughing::laughing:

    Started by Golfbum‎, 06-27-2008 04:58 PM
    • Replies: 5
    • Views: 5,485
    06-29-2008 09:21 PM Go to last post
  26. New Rules of Golf For Seniors

    New Golf Rules for seniors I thought you would want to know. The CARP Organization (Canadian Association of Retired People) has negotiated with the USGA & the Canadian Golf Association to modify the Rules of Golf for seniors, effective January 1, 2008. Rule 1.a.5

    Started by Golfbum‎, 06-01-2008 06:57 AM
    • Replies: 6
    • Views: 11,407
    06-27-2008 04:55 PM Go to last post
  27. Warning !!! from the autorithy.

    Police today warned all men who frequent clubs and parties to stay cautious when offered drinks by women. Females are using a date rape drug called "beer" to target unsuspecting men. This drug comes in liquid form and is available nearly everywhere. "Beer" is used by female predators to...

    Started by joceber‎, 05-16-2008 01:08 PM
    • Replies: 0
    • Views: 4,875
    05-16-2008 01:08 PM Go to last post
  28. A little groaner to kickstart the season

    A recent study has revealed that a hardy golfer walks approximately 900 miles per year. Another study has revealed that a hardy golfer drinks on an average 22 gallons of beer each golf season. We can safely conclude that a hardy golfer gets approximately 41 miles per gallon!! Have a...

    Started by donh‎, 05-01-2008 08:59 AM
    • Replies: 0
    • Views: 3,900
    05-01-2008 08:59 AM Go to last post
  29. It's all about technique,28224,1720077,00.html

    Started by Chieflongtee‎, 03-18-2008 06:15 AM
    • Replies: 12
    • Views: 8,318
    04-30-2008 12:38 PM Go to last post
  30. Winter practice advice

    :bored: No matter how depressed you you are at the prospect that we may have a late season opening, and therefore need to swing a club to avoid having to take anti-depressants, don't do it in the Living Room, go to the Garage.:grumpy: :wallbash Just swong my beautiful new Tour Edge Exotics CG1...

    Started by mcgoo‎, 03-19-2008 05:30 PM
    • Replies: 8
    • Views: 5,864
    04-02-2008 02:42 PM Go to last post
  31. Golf 'Balls'

    A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls. He sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls". Nevertheless, the blonde...

    Started by Indio‎, 03-19-2008 10:48 AM
    • Replies: 0
    • Views: 4,360
    03-19-2008 10:48 AM Go to last post
  32. Dear Abby:

    I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with "the girls" a lot recently; although when I ask their names...

    Started by Kilroy‎, 02-26-2008 04:05 PM
    • Replies: 1
    • Views: 9,036
    03-05-2008 08:24 PM Go to last post
  33. Tie Me Up

    One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.' So he tied her up and went golfing.

    Started by Indio‎, 02-15-2008 05:05 PM
    • Replies: 3
    • Views: 7,912
    02-15-2008 08:30 PM Go to last post
  34. Golf terms

    Golf has given us some unusual and colorful terms to describe shots. Shank, chili-dip, skull, duck-hook, worm-burner, etc. Here are some new ones to add to your vocabulary. A *Paris Hilton* - a very expensive hole.A *James Joyce* - putt that's an impossible read.A *Rock Hudson * -it looked...

    Started by rpangman‎, 02-12-2008 12:02 AM
    • Replies: 0
    • Views: 5,584
    02-12-2008 12:02 AM Go to last post
  35. Golfing Autopsy

    Lloyd was teeing off from the back tees. On his down-swing, he suddenly realized that his wife, Jean, was about to tee off from the red tees, directly in his path. Unable to stop his down swing he nailed the ball, hit Jean directly in the right temple, killing her instantly. A few days later...

    Started by Golfbum‎, 02-05-2008 11:54 AM
    • Replies: 1
    • Views: 3,910
    02-05-2008 07:19 PM Go to last post
  36. The Therapist

    A husband and wife went for counselling after 15 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy,...

    Started by bobblehead‎, 01-31-2008 04:38 PM
    • Replies: 1
    • Views: 4,043
    02-02-2008 06:36 PM Go to last post
  37. Wink The Perfect Shot

    Sam stood over his tee shot on the 450 yard 18th hole for what seemed an eternity. He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't start his back swing. Finally his exasperated partner asked, "What in the hell is taking so long?" "My wife is watching me from the clubhouse balcony,"...

    Started by Kiwi‎, 01-09-2008 11:01 PM
    • Replies: 0
    • Views: 4,273
    01-09-2008 11:01 PM Go to last post
  38. Winter Practice

    Here's some things to try when you are bored this winter...

    Started by Colby‎, 12-10-2007 09:41 AM
    • Replies: 5
    • Views: 5,677
    12-23-2007 09:07 AM Go to last post
  39. Just in time for Christmas

    New golf book - just in time for Xmas. > > Table of Contents: > > Chapter 1 - How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt >

    Started by Chieflongtee‎, 12-21-2007 03:36 PM
    • Replies: 0
    • Views: 3,751
    12-21-2007 03:36 PM Go to last post
  40. Senior golf

    Arthur is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. "That's it", he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has got so bad.... once I've hit the ball, I can't see where it went." His wife sympathizes, and pours...

    Started by rpangman‎, 12-09-2007 09:31 PM
    • Replies: 0
    • Views: 3,782
    12-09-2007 09:31 PM Go to last post
  41. God & The Golfer

    A golfer, now into his golden years, had a lifelong ambition to play the 17th hole at Sawgrass in Ponte Verde , Fla. Exactly the way the pros do it. The pros drive the ball out over the water onto the small green that is on a small spit of land. It was something he had tried hundreds of times...

    Started by Golfbum‎, 12-01-2007 12:50 PM
    • Replies: 0
    • Views: 5,478
    12-01-2007 12:50 PM Go to last post
  42. New golf stretches!

    Thought some of you may find this helpful!

    Started by Pinshark‎, 12-01-2007 10:53 AM
    • Replies: 0
    • Views: 3,425
    12-01-2007 10:53 AM Go to last post
  43. Addicted to Golf

    "Hi my name is Bill and I'm a Golfer..." While some like to debate whether golf is a game or a sport, I'm debating whether golf is a sport or a drug. From The Addiction Research Foundation here are 10 indicators of an addiction Unusual flare-ups or outbreaks of temper (every second shot) ...

    Started by Kilroy‎, 06-25-2005 10:46 AM
    • Replies: 2
    • Views: 6,469
    11-16-2007 09:26 PM Go to last post
  44. 2 year old golfer

    Wow! this little guy looks good :) Hope Dad doesn't push him too much.

    Started by little brit‎, 11-10-2007 10:33 AM
    • Replies: 5
    • Views: 5,781
    11-11-2007 08:23 PM Go to last post
  45. A Picture Is Worth A 1000 Words

    BC & GOLF

    Started by Golfbum‎, 11-07-2007 08:58 PM
    • Replies: 0
    • Views: 3,890
    11-07-2007 08:58 PM Go to last post
  46. Proud to be Canadian!?!?

    FYI… A recent study found the average Canadian golfer walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found Canadian golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of beer a year. That means, on average, Canadian golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon.

    Started by faldo‎, 11-07-2007 09:53 AM
    • Replies: 1
    • Views: 3,658
    11-07-2007 10:03 AM Go to last post
  47. Wink Betting with strangers....

    A fellow was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The first golfer said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the two-some. They were even after the first two holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched,...

    Started by Kiwi‎, 10-28-2007 08:35 AM
    • Replies: 0
    • Views: 3,504
    10-28-2007 08:35 AM Go to last post
  48. golf and pregnancy

    The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. The teacher then announced, "Ladies,...

    Started by golfchick07‎, 09-24-2007 08:09 PM
    • Replies: 2
    • Views: 4,341
    09-26-2007 01:54 PM Go to last post
  49. sure putt

    > > A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple > of strokes. > > "Boy, I'd give anything to sink this putt," the golfer mumbles to > himself. > > > > Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and > > whispers, "Would you be willing to give up...

    Started by bobblehead‎, 09-03-2007 10:20 PM
    • Replies: 0
    • Views: 4,174
    09-03-2007 10:20 PM Go to last post
  50. Good Bye

    Good-Bye A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying: "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa." The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?" The little girl said, ...

    Started by Golfbum‎, 07-27-2007 09:07 PM
    • Replies: 2
    • Views: 6,641
    08-24-2007 06:44 PM Go to last post

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