Good clean fun
PG rated golf jokes only please.
Before reading the neat poem below, here is a little known fact about golf balls.
According to Golf World magazine, the average golfer loses two golf balls per round for a worldwide total of approximately
2,465,752 every day. Worried about running out? Don't be. Companies like
Eileen and her husband Doug went for counseling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, Eileen went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married.
She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of...
Better form than my normal swing :scratchch
A few choice Dave Feherty quotes are below. If you watch golf on TV, he's often an announcer with a distinct Northern Ireland accent and a colorful way of putting things, . . . so to speak.
"Fortunately, Rory McIlroy is 22 years old so his right wrist should be the...
9 Putts Into One Hole:
A priest who is also a mad keen golfer is desperate to get a game in after a long snowed in winter. The weather finally clears and the conditions are fine enough to get out for a game, but the only available time was an early Sunday morning clashing with his Sunday Mass duties.
He tells a huge...
A couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Kathleen, soon we will be married 30 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 30 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"
Kathleen replied, "Well...
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of...
How do people think up these shots? :laughing:
Saw this today online, enjoy! :-)
Some of these are pretty good hehe
What if you were playing in the club championship tournament finals and the match was halved at the end of 17 holes. You had the honor and hit your ball a modest two hundred fifty yards to the middle of the fairway, leaving a simple six iron to the pin. Your opponent then hits his ball, lofting it...
Last week, after a round of golf, we decided to have supper at the clubhouse resturant and after sitting down I noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.
It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon...
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
On Sunday I'm playing golf and we hear an old couple having an arguement on the hole next to us. We couldn't hear what they were arguing about, but we heard the woman say
"Why are you questioning me?!"
Woman takes off, the man puts his head down and follows the woman. We had a good...
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I...
Golf course on an aircraft carrier, mini golf, and more. The woman kissing her trophy made me laugh out loud.
You don't need to know french to appreciate this local legend!
An oldie, but a goodie - ENJOY! :goodvibes
I have seen many of these scroll across the banner on this site but they are still pretty funny:
ONLY A TRUE GOLFER WILL UNDERSTAND THESE:
Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to
Never try to keep more than 300 separate...
Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar.
Tiger turns to Stevie and says, 'How's the singing career going?'
Stevie replies, 'Not too bad. How's the golf?'
Woods replies, 'Not too bad, I've had some problems with knee and my swing, but I think
I've got that right now.'
A Priest decides that he wants to go play a round of golf on a sunday for a change, so he plans ahead and finds someone to do his sermon for him, careful not to mention that he wants to play golf instead. A saint from heaven saw right through his plan and asked God, " Your not gonna let him get...
The room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The
class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women
how to breathe properly, and was telling the men how to give
the necessary assurance and support to their partners at this
stage of the pregnancy.
She said "Ladies,...
A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack! "Help me dear," she groans to her husband.
The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for minute, picks up his putter and lines up his putt. His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him.
I don't know if anyone has seen this yet, it is really funny!
Wife: Will you remarry if I die before you?
Husband: Yes, I will. I'm still virile and relatively young.
Wife: Will you live in our house with her?
Husband: Of course. It's paid for, and I like it here.
Wife: Would you let her use my golf clubs?
A nun walked into Mother Superiorís office and plunked down into a chair.
She let out a sigh, heavy with frustration."What troubles you, Sister?"
asked the Mother Superior.
"I thought this was the day you spent with your family."
"It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with...
This is a good one!!
Really reminds me of my friend Sillywilly :P :-)
It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have
turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All
the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early
Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly
Ok so you want more Tiger here you go...
A husband and wife were out golfing together one day when they came upon a tough par 4 hole. The husband hooked his drive deep into the woods and proclaimed that he would have to chip out. Then the wife said: "Maybe not, dear! Do you see that barn over there? If I open the doors on both sides, I do...
These will make you laugh - they're so true.
Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.
When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.
If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while...
Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake." Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"
Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth.
Golfer: "Do you think my game is...
Two friends were playing golf one day.
They decided they would adhere strictly to the rules with no improving their lie.
After a few holes, one guy's ball landed on a cart path.
As he reached down to pick up his ball to get relief his friend said, "We agreed that we would not improve our lie."...
In My Hand I Hold A Ball,
White And Dimpled, Rather Small.
Oh, How Bland It Does Appear,
This Harmless Looking Little Sphere..
By It's Size I Could Not Guess,
The Awesome Strength It Does Possess.
But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell,
I've Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell.
ACTUAL CALLS RECEIVED AT THE PUBLIC GOLF COURSE (Amherst, Mass.)
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: What are your green fees?
Staff: 38 dollars.
Caller: Does that include golf?
Subject: Golf Book
Many of you may not know it, but I have been very busy over the last 4 years
putting my thoughts and ideas together in a book. I am very proud of the
results and to assist with the marketing, I am asking friends and family to
help me out.
I believe my new book on...
Had a good chuckle with this one. Thought I'd share.
A golfer set up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees.
He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit through.
Taking out his 3-wood, he took another mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in...
can't remember the exact writing...
Fred comes home from his usual Saturday golf game and is welcomed with a "Hi Honey, how was your golf game" from his wife. Fred answer's "Awful, Harry dropped dead on the tenth hole". "Oh my dear, that's terrible" replies his wife. "You're telling me, the...
An 80-year-old Scotsman goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, "How do you stay in such great physical condition?"
I'm Scottish and I am a golfer," says the old guy, "and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight...
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