The Date

[mpare]

From this morning's Globe and Mail in the Social Studies section. Who knew the Globe could be so funny.
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Undateable you

Anne Coyle and Ellen Rakieten have published Undateable: 311 Things Guys Do That Guarantee They Won’t Be Dating or Having Sex. An excerpt:

“The guy calls the girl, and they arrange to meet for dinner. He has a nice voice and she’s feeling really good about this one. As she waits for him at the bar, she allows herself to fantasize that this might be the day that she will remember as ‘the moment’ … And then he walks in. Sporting hair plugs. Hey, that’s okay, she thinks. I’m a person of depth. … Or not. Somewhere between the unending sports metaphors [and] the reveal of a large black cellphone strapped to his pleated Dockers, things are not looking good. After he orders his second Long Island Iced Tea, she realizes the only thing that could pull her out of this death spiral is his confessing that he is in fact a French Count impersonating a complete loser as an assignment for an acting class. But no, that doesn’t happen. This happens – the Mother of All Undateables. He pushes back his chair, stands up, and without a moment of hesitation, out it comes: ‘I’ll be back. I gotta take a dump.’ ”

[nokids]

Other things not to say.

Girl asks: How did your last date turn out?
Man says: She cut through the ropes and escaped.