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Thread: Any good Leaf jokes out there?
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04-10-2004 05:34 PM #1
Any good Leaf jokes out there?
So far I have not seen any really good leaf jokes out there.......what is the problem......have we lost our sense of humour?
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04-10-2004 06:35 PM #2Originally Posted by mkemila
Posted that one about a week ago.
Two kids are playing pond hockey in suburban Ottawa when suddenly a rabid dog comes up and lunges at them. The kid wearing a red coat comes up, protects his friend by shielding him with his body, then kills the dog with his hockey stick.
Just then, a writer for a local newspaper is walking by and sees the whole thing. He approaches the kids and asks what happens, writing the headline in his notebook, "Heroic Senators fan saves friend from deadly dog."
The kid reads the headline and informs the reporter he is a Leafs fan.
The reporter gives the kid a weird looking and begins to write down a new headline in the notebook..
"*** child from Toronto kills helpless dog."[URL=http://www.sportsfiend.ca/]Sportsfiend.ca - Make You Opinion Into News...
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04-10-2004 10:12 PM #3
Ed Belfour, feeling all bad about his last pathetic performance, decides to end it all.....jumps infront of a Toronto bus, low and behold it goes between his legs
Verrrrry old I know, sorry
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04-10-2004 10:15 PM #4Originally Posted by mkemila
31 years old and honestly never heard that one before... Nice 1.
Not the best timing though....
Dan[URL=http://www.sportsfiend.ca/]Sportsfiend.ca - Make You Opinion Into News...
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04-10-2004 10:31 PM #5
yeah well, you know what they say, the sun has to shine on a dogs butt somedays
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04-10-2004 11:01 PM #6Originally Posted by mkemila
Dan[URL=http://www.sportsfiend.ca/]Sportsfiend.ca - Make You Opinion Into News...
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04-11-2004 09:07 AM #7
Worth the read
A Toronto Maple Leaf fan, a Montreal Canadiens fan and a Boston Bruin fan were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of alcohol. All of a
sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of
actually being caught consuming the alcohol, they were sentenced to death!
However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment.
By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be
released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.
As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of
you one wish before your whipping."
The Boston Bruin fan was first in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about this for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The Boston Bruin fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain when the punishment was done.
The Montreal fan was next up (he almost finished a half-can), and after watching the scene, said: "All Right! Please fix two pillows on my back."
But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again, sending the Hab fan crying.
The Toronto Maple Leafs fan was the last one up (he had finished off the crate), but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and
said: "You support the greatest team in the world, your city has some of the best and most loyal hockey fans in the world. For this, you may have
two wishes!"
"Merci, your most Royal highness", the Toronto fan replies. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100
lashes."
"Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave," the Sheikh says with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Sheikh asks.
"Tie the Montreal fan to my back."
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04-11-2004 09:37 AM #8
poetic? try this:
Joe woke up one morning and looked for his wife, Sue, but she wasn't there. She had awakened and was preparing breakfast in the kitchen.
Joe was afraid he might spoil 'the moment' by getting up, so he wrote out a note, called his son, and sent the little boy to deliver the note to Sue.
THE TENT POLE IS UP,
THE CANVAS IS SPREAD,
THE HELL WITH BREAKFAST,
COME BACK TO BED.
The wife answered the note and sent it back by the boy. It read:
TAKE THE TENT POLE DOWN
PUT THE CANVAS AWAY
THE MONKEY HAD A HEMORRHAGE
NO CIRCUS TODAY.
So he sent another note down. It read:
THE TENT POLE'S STILL UP
AND THE CANVAS STILL SPREAD
SO DROP WHAT YOU'RE DOING
AND COME GIVE ME SOME HEAD
To which she replied:
I'M SURE THAT YOUR POLE'S
THE BEST IN THE LAND
BUT I'M BUSY RIGHT NOW
SO DO IT BY HAND
Originally Posted by broken27
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04-12-2004 09:19 PM #9
An Ottawa fan, a Montreal fan and a Toronto fan are found lying on the side of the street, completely drunk.
A police officer removes the baseball cap from the Ottawa fan, takes some notes about the individual and puts the cap back on.
The officer then removes the baseball cap from the Montreal fan, takes some notes about the individual and puts the cap back on.
The officer then removes the baseball cap from the Toronto fan, takes some notes about the individual and puts the cap back on.
The officer then proceeds to remove the cap of the Toronto fan again and puts it back. Intrigued, the officer proceed to do so over and over again until a spectator to the scene, another Toronto fan, is insulted and yells at the officer: "Hey, why do you keep removing his hat and putting it back on?"
The officer responds: "Calm down sir! I was just surprised to see someone's face. Usually, under a Toronto Maple Leafs baseball cap, I always find an a**hole!!!"
Last edited by LBH; 04-13-2004 at 09:14 AM.
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04-14-2004 04:13 PM #10
This just in............................
hahahaha
I've spent most of my life golfing .... the rest I've just wasted"
www.nationalcapitalgolftour.com
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04-14-2004 04:17 PM #11
I had my suspicions..........
Maybe he's unwilling to fight Neil because he is attracted to him and doesn't want to mess up his face.....
Nah, he's just a coward and a wimp.
Dan[URL=http://www.sportsfiend.ca/]Sportsfiend.ca - Make You Opinion Into News...
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04-15-2004 07:42 AM #12
- Join Date
- Oct 2001
- Location
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Typical leafs fan
Here is one
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04-15-2004 09:08 AM #13Big_duckGuest
Yet another song
With all the songs floating around the internet I thought I would try my and at being a lyracist. I'd record it but I can't sing worth a crap; anyone want to take a stab at it?
Sung to the tune of Hotel California, enjoy
__________________________________________________ ________________________
On an Ontario Highway
Blue paint in my hair
Warm smell of the Trilliums
Rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance
I saw a shimmering light
My heart grew heavy, and my eyes teared up
Leafs will lose tonight
As I stood by the doorway
I heard the period bell
And I was thinking to myself
The Sens will send the Leafs to hell
Then they lit up the goal light
Alfie showed them the way
There were voices down the concourse
I thought I heard them say
Welcome to the Ottawa Corel Centre
Gonna beat the Leafs
Gonna beat the Leafs
No more room at the Ottawa Corel Centre
Any time of year (Any time of year)
We’re gonna beat you here
Sundins knee is twisted
Tucker has the bends
The Sens aren’t some pretty boys
They’re not Domis friends
How they dance by the Goal crease
They’re not workin’ up a sweat
One goal to remember
Lalimes saves to forget
So I called up the Referee
Hey watch number 11
We haven’t won the cup
Since 1967
And still those voices are calling from far
Away
Wake you up in the middle of the game
Just to hear them say
Welcome to the Ottawa Corel Centre
Gonna beat the Leafs
Gonna beat the Leafs
No more room at the Ottawa Corel Centre
Any time of year (Any time of year)
You’re not welcome here
Spartys on the Ceiling
OPP singin’ on the Ice
Leafs are gonna lose
The Sens will score tonight
In Belfours goal crease
They gathered for the feast
The Leafs they hacked and slashed
But they just can’t kill the beast
Last thing I remember
I was running for the door
I had to find the Highway back
to the place I was before
Relax said the mascot, the Sens they now believe
You can check them all you want
But the playoffs you will leave
Welcome to the Ottawa Corel Centre
Gonna beat the Leafs
Gonna beat the Leafs
No more room at the Ottawa Corel Centre
Any time of year (Any time of year)
We’re gonna beat you here
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04-15-2004 10:20 AM #14
Very nice!!! You should send it to the TEAM1200. They'll put it to music...
Cheers,
Dan[URL=http://www.sportsfiend.ca/]Sportsfiend.ca - Make You Opinion Into News...
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04-15-2004 04:03 PM #15
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04-16-2004 01:30 PM #16
Got to love this one!
Sens toilet paperStrive for perfection, but never expect it!
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04-16-2004 01:39 PM #17Originally Posted by mberube
I am unable to upload the image. It's only 76k. ??? :cryin
Dan, email me so that I can send you the file and then you can post it.Strive for perfection, but never expect it!
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04-18-2004 10:46 PM #18
I think Philipps is saying what we all have been saying all along..........
Tucker Can Kiss My Ice!!!!
I've spent most of my life golfing .... the rest I've just wasted"
www.nationalcapitalgolftour.com
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04-18-2004 11:07 PM #19
check out the guy in the second row. he's like, "ohhhhhhh". classic
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04-19-2004 08:47 AM #20Originally Posted by jonfIt could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.
Colby
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04-20-2004 06:43 AM #21Strive for perfection, but never expect it!
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04-20-2004 02:07 PM #22
- Join Date
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- Location
- Ottawa
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Four hockey fans are mountain climbing. Each climber happens to be a rabid
fan of a different NHL team. One from Montréal, one from Toronto, one from
Detroit and the other from Ottawa. As they climb higher and higher, they
argue more and more about which of them is the most loyal to their
particular hockey team. As they reach the summit, the climber from Montréal
takes a running leap and throws himself off the mountain, yelling, "This is
for the Montréal Canadians!" Not wanting to be outdone, the fan from Detroit
throws himself off the mountain, shouting, "This is for the Detroit Red
Wings!" Seeing this, the Ottawa Senators fan walks to the edge and yells,
"This is for hockey fans everywhere!" He then pushes the Toronto Maple
Leafs fan off the cliff.
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04-20-2004 10:24 PM #23
Ottawa Slumber Party
SENATORS SLUMBER PARTY
Ooops, my bad. Is this a LEAFS jokes only thread?
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04-20-2004 10:27 PM #24
Alfie Finally Comes Out
Is anyone all that surprised??
Whoops, I did it again. Sorry.
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04-20-2004 10:30 PM #25Originally Posted by jbrace
Go habs go!!!
Go flyers go!!Strive for perfection, but never expect it!
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04-21-2004 05:51 PM #26
I give up........the Leafs have become the immovable object..........maybe there is an Ottawa Ping Pong team I can watch
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04-22-2004 08:36 AM #27
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04-22-2004 01:05 PM #28
Jacques Martin has just been fired! Know lets see who will replace him????
Strive for perfection, but never expect it!
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