Any good Leaf jokes out there?

[mkemila]

So far I have not seen any really good leaf jokes out there.......what is the problem......have we lost our sense of humour?

[broken27]

So far I have not seen any really good leaf jokes out there.......what is the problem......have we lost our sense of humour?

http://www.ottawagolf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4085
Posted that one about a week ago.

Two kids are playing pond hockey in suburban Ottawa when suddenly a rabid dog comes up and lunges at them. The kid wearing a red coat comes up, protects his friend by shielding him with his body, then kills the dog with his hockey stick.
Just then, a writer for a local newspaper is walking by and sees the whole thing. He approaches the kids and asks what happens, writing the headline in his notebook, "Heroic Senators fan saves friend from deadly dog."
The kid reads the headline and informs the reporter he is a Leafs fan.
The reporter gives the kid a weird looking and begins to write down a new headline in the notebook..

"*** child from Toronto kills helpless dog."

[mkemila]

Ed Belfour, feeling all bad about his last pathetic performance, decides to end it all.....jumps infront of a Toronto bus, low and behold it goes between his legs



Verrrrry old I know, sorry

[broken27]

Ed Belfour, feeling all bad about his last pathetic performance, decides to end it all.....jumps infront of a Toronto bus, low and behold it goes between his legs
[/SIZE]

31 years old and honestly never heard that one before... Nice 1.
Not the best timing though....
Dan

[mkemila]

yeah well, you know what they say, the sun has to shine on a dogs butt somedays

[broken27]

yeah well, you know what they say, the sun has to shine on a dogs butt somedays

Likely the most poetic and apt definition of the Leafs to date... Let's give mkemila a poet's welcome!

Dan

[mkemila]

A Toronto Maple Leaf fan, a Montreal Canadiens fan and a Boston Bruin fan were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of alcohol. All of a
sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of
actually being caught consuming the alcohol, they were sentenced to death!
However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment.
By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be
released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of
you one wish before your whipping."

The Boston Bruin fan was first in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about this for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The Boston Bruin fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain when the punishment was done.

The Montreal fan was next up (he almost finished a half-can), and after watching the scene, said: "All Right! Please fix two pillows on my back."
But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again, sending the Hab fan crying.

The Toronto Maple Leafs fan was the last one up (he had finished off the crate), but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and
said: "You support the greatest team in the world, your city has some of the best and most loyal hockey fans in the world. For this, you may have
two wishes!"

"Merci, your most Royal highness", the Toronto fan replies. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100
lashes."
"Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave," the Sheikh says with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Sheikh asks.

"Tie the Montreal fan to my back."

[mkemila]

poetic? try this:

Joe woke up one morning and looked for his wife, Sue, but she wasn't there. She had awakened and was preparing breakfast in the kitchen.

Joe was afraid he might spoil 'the moment' by getting up, so he wrote out a note, called his son, and sent the little boy to deliver the note to Sue.

THE TENT POLE IS UP,
THE CANVAS IS SPREAD,
THE HELL WITH BREAKFAST,
COME BACK TO BED.

The wife answered the note and sent it back by the boy. It read:

TAKE THE TENT POLE DOWN
PUT THE CANVAS AWAY
THE MONKEY HAD A HEMORRHAGE
NO CIRCUS TODAY.

So he sent another note down. It read:

THE TENT POLE'S STILL UP
AND THE CANVAS STILL SPREAD
SO DROP WHAT YOU'RE DOING
AND COME GIVE ME SOME HEAD

To which she replied:

I'M SURE THAT YOUR POLE'S
THE BEST IN THE LAND
BUT I'M BUSY RIGHT NOW
SO DO IT BY HAND

Likely the most poetic and apt definition of the Leafs to date... Let's give mkemila a poet's welcome!

Dan

[LBH]

An Ottawa fan, a Montreal fan and a Toronto fan are found lying on the side of the street, completely drunk.

A police officer removes the baseball cap from the Ottawa fan, takes some notes about the individual and puts the cap back on.

The officer then removes the baseball cap from the Montreal fan, takes some notes about the individual and puts the cap back on.

The officer then removes the baseball cap from the Toronto fan, takes some notes about the individual and puts the cap back on.

The officer then proceeds to remove the cap of the Toronto fan again and puts it back. Intrigued, the officer proceed to do so over and over again until a spectator to the scene, another Toronto fan, is insulted and yells at the officer: "Hey, why do you keep removing his hat and putting it back on?"

The officer responds: "Calm down sir! I was just surprised to see someone's face. Usually, under a Toronto Maple Leafs baseball cap, I always find an a**hole!!!"

[NoBack]

hahahaha

[broken27]

I had my suspicions..........

Maybe he's unwilling to fight Neil because he is attracted to him and doesn't want to mess up his face.....

Nah, he's just a coward and a wimp.

Dan

[Lefty]

Here is one

[Big_duck]

With all the songs floating around the internet I thought I would try my and at being a lyracist. I'd record it but I can't sing worth a crap; anyone want to take a stab at it?

Sung to the tune of Hotel California, enjoy
__________________________________________________ ________________________
On an Ontario Highway
Blue paint in my hair
Warm smell of the Trilliums
Rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance
I saw a shimmering light
My heart grew heavy, and my eyes teared up
Leafs will lose tonight

As I stood by the doorway
I heard the period bell
And I was thinking to myself
The Sens will send the Leafs to hell
Then they lit up the goal light
Alfie showed them the way
There were voices down the concourse
I thought I heard them say

Welcome to the Ottawa Corel Centre
Gonna beat the Leafs
Gonna beat the Leafs
No more room at the Ottawa Corel Centre
Any time of year (Any time of year)
We’re gonna beat you here

Sundins knee is twisted
Tucker has the bends
The Sens aren’t some pretty boys
They’re not Domis friends
How they dance by the Goal crease
They’re not workin’ up a sweat
One goal to remember
Lalimes saves to forget

So I called up the Referee
Hey watch number 11
We haven’t won the cup
Since 1967
And still those voices are calling from far
Away
Wake you up in the middle of the game
Just to hear them say

Welcome to the Ottawa Corel Centre
Gonna beat the Leafs
Gonna beat the Leafs
No more room at the Ottawa Corel Centre
Any time of year (Any time of year)
You’re not welcome here

Spartys on the Ceiling
OPP singin’ on the Ice
Leafs are gonna lose
The Sens will score tonight
In Belfours goal crease
They gathered for the feast
The Leafs they hacked and slashed
But they just can’t kill the beast
Last thing I remember
I was running for the door
I had to find the Highway back
to the place I was before
Relax said the mascot, the Sens they now believe
You can check them all you want
But the playoffs you will leave
Welcome to the Ottawa Corel Centre
Gonna beat the Leafs
Gonna beat the Leafs
No more room at the Ottawa Corel Centre
Any time of year (Any time of year)
We’re gonna beat you here

[broken27]

Very nice!!! You should send it to the TEAM1200. They'll put it to music...

Cheers,
Dan

[The Shtick]

That was sweet!!

[mberube]

Got to love this one!
Sens toilet paper

[mberube]

Got to love this one!
Sens toilet paper

I am unable to upload the image. It's only 76k. ??? :cryin

Dan, email me so that I can send you the file and then you can post it.

[NoBack]

I think Philipps is saying what we all have been saying all along..........

Tucker Can Kiss My Ice!!!!

[jonf]

check out the guy in the second row. he's like, "ohhhhhhh". classic

[Colby]

check out the guy in the second row. he's like, "ohhhhhhh". classic

I remember that hit from the game. At the time, there were three guys in Tucker shirts right there who stood up cheering as Tucker came flying in for the hit. They sat down pretty quickly. One of the guys I was watching the game with called them "Tucker's Three Sisters"!

[mberube]

[hollywood]

Four hockey fans are mountain climbing. Each climber happens to be a rabid
fan of a different NHL team. One from Montréal, one from Toronto, one from
Detroit and the other from Ottawa. As they climb higher and higher, they
argue more and more about which of them is the most loyal to their
particular hockey team. As they reach the summit, the climber from Montréal
takes a running leap and throws himself off the mountain, yelling, "This is
for the Montréal Canadians!" Not wanting to be outdone, the fan from Detroit
throws himself off the mountain, shouting, "This is for the Detroit Red
Wings!" Seeing this, the Ottawa Senators fan walks to the edge and yells,
"This is for hockey fans everywhere!" He then pushes the Toronto Maple
Leafs fan off the cliff.

[jbrace]

SENATORS SLUMBER PARTY

Ooops, my bad. Is this a LEAFS jokes only thread?

[jbrace]

Is anyone all that surprised??



Whoops, I did it again. Sorry.

[mberube]

SENATORS SLUMBER PARTY

Ooops, my bad. Is this a LEAFS jokes only thread?

It doesn’t mater! They won't even get to the conference final. You will have to wait another 30 years to see a cup in Toronto.

Go habs go!!!
Go flyers go!!

[mkemila]

I give up........the Leafs have become the immovable object..........maybe there is an Ottawa Ping Pong team I can watch

[jeffc]

.......

[mberube]

Jacques Martin has just been fired! Know lets see who will replace him????