20 Laws Of Golf

[Golfbum]

20 absolute laws of golf



1: No matter how bad your last shot was it won't be your worst.

2: After playing your best round of golf you can be sure that your next round will be one of your worst.
The probability of this law coming true increases with the number of people you tell about your great last round.

3: The more expensive the golf ball the more powerful is its magnetic attraction to water.

4: Golf balls bounce. However, they never bounce off of trees back into play.
If one does, you can be sure that the course will either be "updated" and that tree removed
or lightning will strike it within a few months.

5: Regardless of what you did wrong on any particular show...if you skull a shot all your partners will tell you that
"You Looked Up." When in fact they have no clue what you did wrong.

6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.

7: God created Par 3's to teach us humility. And, the shorter the hole the greater the lesson.

8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.

9: Palm trees literally eat golf balls.

10: Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you?

11: Golf carts will never run out of "juice" on the first, ninth or eighteenth holes.
They will always run out of "juice" at the farthest point from the clubhouse.

12: Any golfer that hits into your group is guaranteed to be bigger than anyone in your group.
And, what is truly amazing about this law is that the opposite is also always true.
Any time you accidentally hit into a group in front of you, it will consist of at least
one person over 6 feet 5 inches and 270 pounds.

13:3-woods have actually been designed to never hit a straight shot.

14: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another,
particularly out of bounds or into the water (see Law three)

15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.

16: Golfers have perfected an entire language to console and ridicule one anohter at the same time.
Example: "That was a tough break" while on the surface sounds nice actually means
"way to miss an easy one, sucker."

17: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.

18: Regardless of how bad you cheat throughout the round,
the last three holes will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.

19: Golf is the only hobby that people swear to give up 10 - 15 times each year...but never do.

20: Like drinking, all vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the night is over.

[mpare]

I love your collection.

Hopefully, this won't constitute hijacking your thread, but a friend of mine sent me another selection that you might enjoy as well. Here it is:

Subject: Only a golfer would understand
So many of these insights are just so bloody true. Enjoy................

1. Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.

2. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing

3. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.

4. If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.

5. The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.

6. No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.

7. The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other errors.

8. Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.

9. A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents' luck.

10. It is surprisingly easy to hole a fifty foot putt for a 10.

11. Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

12. Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

13. It's not a gimme, if you're still away.

14. The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

15. You can hit a two acre fairway 10% of the time and a two inch branch 90% of the time.

16. If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.

17. Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.

18. When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.

19. Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

20. If you want to hit a 7 iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard.

21. To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the speed of his back-swing by his handicap; i.e., back-swing 20 mph, handicap 15, downswing = 300 mph.

22. One of my personal favorites: There are two things you can learn by stopping your back-swing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.

23. Hazards attract; fairways repel.

24. A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

25. If there is a ball on the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.

26. It's easier to get up at 6:00 AM to play golf than at 10:00 to mow the yard.

27. A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.

28. Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end up having to pray a lot.

29. A good golf partner is one who's always slightly worse than you are....that's why I get so many calls to play with friends.

30. If there's a storm rolling in, you'll be having the game of your life.

31. Golf balls are like eggs. They're white. They're sold by the dozen. And you need to buy fresh ones each week.

32. It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.

33. If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight (or worse).

34. It takes longer to learn to be a good golfer than it does to become a brain surgeon. On the other hand, you don't get to ride around on a cart, drink beer, eat hot dogs and fart if you are performing brain surgery!

[Golfbum]

I love your collection.

Hopefully, this won't constitute hijacking your thread, but a friend of mine sent me another selection that you might enjoy as well. Here it is:

Subject: Only a golfer would understand
So many of these insights are just so bloody true. Enjoy................

34. It takes longer to learn to be a good golfer than it does to become a brain surgeon. On the other hand, you don't get to ride around on a cart, drink beer, eat hot dogs and fart if you are performing brain surgery!

Now that is funny right there

[sharon.gmc]

LOL! That just made my day. . . hehe