CorporateGolfXtra 2023
+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: Golf humour

  1. #1
    Golf Pig of the Year 07,08 rpangman is on a distinguished road rpangman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    St. Thomas
    Posts
    326

    Golf humour

    1. Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.

    2. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind
    during your swing.

    3. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either
    hit one more club or two more balls.

    4. If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the
    foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you
    can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is
    clear and top a ball halfway there.

    5. The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his
    ideas about the golf swing.

    6. No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play
    worse.

    7. The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant
    elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you
    to compensate for all of your many other errors.

    8. If it ain't broke, try changing your grip.

    9. Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.

    10. A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents' luck.

    11. It is surprisingly easy to hole a fifty foot putt ...for a 10.

    12. Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is
    like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

    13. Nonchalant putts count the same as "chalant" putts.

    14. It's not a gimme if you're still away.

    15. The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is
    a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large
    tree.

    16. There are two kinds of bounces; unfair bounces and bounces just
    the way you meant to play it.

    17. You can hit a two acre fairway 10% of the time and a two inch
    branch 90% of the time.

    18. If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up
    at a much earlier age.

    19. Since bad things come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is
    actually the beginning of the next group of three.

    20. When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look
    down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the
    ball if you ever want to see it again.

    21. Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make
    two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the
    universe.

    22. If you want to hit a 7 iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply
    try to lay up just short of a water hazard.

    23. To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the
    speed of his back-swing by his handicap; i.e., back-swing 20 mph,
    handicap 15, downswing = 300 mph.

    24. There are two things you can learn by stopping your back-swing
    at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands
    you have, and which one is wearing the glove.

    25. Hazards attract; fairways repel.

    26. You can put a draw on the ball, you can put a fade on the ball,
    but no golfer can put a straight on the ball.

    27. A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

    28. If there is a ball on the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your
    ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in
    the footprint.

    29. It's easier to get up at 6:00 AM to play golf than at 10:00 to
    mow the lawn.

    30. Sometimes it seems as though your cup moveth over.

    31. A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from
    giving up the game.

    32. Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end
    up having to pray a lot.

    33. A good golf partner is one who's always slightly worse than you
    are....that is why I get so many calls to play with friends.

    34. That rake by the sand trap is there for golfers who feel guilty
    about skipping out on lawn work.

    35. If there's a storm rolling in, you'll be having the game of your
    life.

    36. Golf balls are like eggs. They're white. They're sold by the
    dozen. And you need to buy fresh ones each week.

    37. A pro-shop gets its name from the fact that you have to have the
    income of a professional golfer to buy anything in there.

    38. It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house
    will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.

    39. If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six
    or a seven, he probably shot an eight (or worse).

    40. You probably wouldn't look good in a green jacket anyway! A
    sweatshirt will do just fine.

    41. It takes longer to learn to be a good golfer than it does to
    become a brain surgeon. On the other hand, you don't get to ride
    around on a cart, drink beer, eat hot dogs and fart if you are
    performing brain surgery

  2. #2
    GolfPig of the Year 2006 Golfbum is on a distinguished road
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    XXXXXXXXXXXX
    Posts
    4,215
    My opinions are my own, I do not follow others.

  3. #3
    Hall of Fame Hacker is on a distinguished road Hacker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Montauk Monsterville
    Posts
    7,044
    Nice!!!

  4. #4
    Competitor Golfer_Gofer is on a distinguished road Golfer_Gofer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Barrhaven
    Posts
    939
    Everytime this one gets posted its got a couple more in it... very funny stuff
    Scott - Golf...Fail.

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

     

Similar Threads

  1. Forum humour...
    By Jer in Ottawa in forum Humour
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 05-30-2006, 05:20 PM
  2. Humour - Golf Rules That Should be Used...
    By Colby in forum General Golf Talk
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 12-10-2003, 04:59 PM
  3. Golf Humour
    By larry in forum General Golf Talk
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 04-09-2003, 01:51 PM
  4. Cute Golf Humour
    By Colby in forum General Golf Talk
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 03-27-2003, 09:40 AM
  5. Humour - Cheating at Golf
    By Colby in forum General Golf Talk
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 10-13-2002, 09:43 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts