Things Hallmark Cards DON'T Say

[Hacker]

In Celebration of Valentine's Day yesterday (the Holiday rumoured to be created by the Greeting Card Business) I thought that I'd share some thing that you will NEVER see written on a Hallmark Card....

My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!

===============

Looking back over the years
that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
"What the hell was I thinking?"

===============

Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.

===============

How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?

===============

I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love
After having met you ..
I've change d my mind.

===============

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.

===============

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
That you're not here to ruin them for me.

===============

Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.

===============

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)

===============

Happy birthday! You look great for your age.
Almost Lifelike!
===============

When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.

===============

We have been friends for a very long time ..
let's say we stop.

===============

I'm so miserable without you
it's almost like you're here.

===============

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?

===============

Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday
So we're having you put to sleep.

===============

So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay.

[Golfbum]

True Classics!