The fundamental differences between men and women are;

[NoBack]

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Suzanne, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Charlie, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Sh*t-Head and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has precisely five items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, electric razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from Walmart.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 10 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, take out the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals, if forced to.

PHYSICAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in his house.

[JimmyW]

Subject: Fw: Fw: Beer Study
Beer Study (You have to hope that this study is flawed, but the evidence seems irrefutable)

Yesterday, Scientists for Health Canada suggested that the results of a recent study strongly suggests the presence of female hormones in beer, and further suggests that men should take a look at their beer consumption.

The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men were each given 8 pints of beer within a one-hour period.

It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight.
80% talked excessively without making sense,
50% became overly emotional,
60% couldn't drive,
75% failed to think rationally,
50% argued over nothing,
20% had to sit down while urinating; the other 80% should have,
60% couldn't perform sexually, and
90% refused to apologize or admit they were wrong.

No further testing is planned.


JW

[NoBack]

Thats funny!!

I'm off to the beer store.

[Colby]

Important Warning! Instructions for installing Wife 1.0

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Last year a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning Child-Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. He's finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before).

At installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.

The features he'd like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0 include:

- A"Don't remind me again" button
- Minimize button
- An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 to be installed with the option to uninstall at anytime without the loss of cache and other system resources.
- An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the systems hardware probe feature to be much more useful.

I myself decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 2.0. Even here, however, I found many problems.

Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 2.0 on top of Girlfriend 1.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug which I should have been aware of. Apparently the versions of Girlfriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, The uninstall program for Girlfriend 1.0 doesn't work very well, leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system.

Another thing that sucks -- all versions of Girlfriend continually pop-up little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0.

BUG WARNING
Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.

BUG WORK-AROUNDS
To avoid the above bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any file transfer applications such as LapLink 6.0. Also, beware of similar shareware applications that have been known to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0.

Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.0 via a UseNet provider under an anonymous name. Here again, beware of the viruses which can accidentally be downloaded from the UseNet.