*Jeff Foxworthy on Ontario:*

*If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 36 inches
of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you live in Ontario.

*If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you
live in Ontario.

*If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the year, you live in Ontario.

*If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you live in Ontario.

*If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in Ontario.

*If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in Ontario.

*YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE ONTARIAN WHEN...*

1. "Vacation" means going South past London for the weekend.

2. You measure distance in hours.

3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.

4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and then back again.

5. You can drive 110 kmph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard,
without flinching.

6. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

7. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

8. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.

9. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.

10. Down South to you means London.

11. Your 1st of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.

12. You have more miles on your snow blower than
your car.

13. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."

14. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all
your Ontario friends