How To install a poor-man's security system:

Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of men's used work
boots ---a really big pair. Put them outside your front door on top of
a copy of Guns and Ammo Magazine. Put a dog dish beside it. A really
big dog dish.

Leave a note on your front door that says something like, "Bubba,
big Mike, and I have gone to get more ammunition - back in a hour.
Don't disturb the Pitbulls, they've just been wormed."