Things to say after you or someone has had a bad shot.

[Rusty]

Swiped these from another forum

1. "Put me down for 8, where's the beer cart?"

2. When you leave the first putt way short.....

There is some chicken left on that bone.

3. when you play a course with alot of houses and someone jacks it straight at one...........
yell,
"HIT SOMETHIN" CHEAP!!!"

4. I've been playing for years and just heard this one for the first time. A buddy of mine sliced into the woods and another buddy said"was that your tree wood?" How have I never heard this?

5. To a playing partner who was wearing shorts (and really shouldn't)
"Are those your legs or are you sitting on a chicken?"

6. after some bad putting i like " so what your g string ridin high or what?"

7. When playing with someone way more deliberate (and slow) than their game deserves:

"At least when I suck at golf I'm quick about it".

8. when someone leaves a makeable, well ANY, putt in the jaws, and they walk up to tap it in, I'll say,
"Hey, you dropped something"
When they start looking around their feet, add...
"your lipstick..." (rotate with makeup, mascara, Cosmo subscription & handbag to keep the joke fresh, cos it can get old real quick

9. "The only place I saw a worse stroke than that was at the hospital" this one sounds like a take off of the Nike commercial with Charles Barkley "Is that a swing of a siezure?

10. "lassie couldn't find that if it were wrapped in bacon."

11. When he drains a long putt, one of my buddies always says, "even a blind squirrel finds a nut sometimes."

12. The other one is when a playing partner shows me a new club.
"Hey, there's a piece of on the end of it"
As they examine the head, add..
"No, the other end...."

13. When a drive is absolutely hammered "...wow, that ball's gotta be bleedin'..."

14. "Nice hat, did you get a free bowl of soup with that?"

15. Whenever you and your buddy's drives are close together on the fairway and you discover you have outdriven him by just a few feet or less, you look at him with a smile and say, "You crushed that one."

16. "you might want to ask treebeard where your ball went"

17. "if it wasnt for an imept golf swing, inferior equipment, terrible course management and poor taste in clothing, you wouldnt be that bad..."

18. with my friend's I often tell them that the problem is your "LOFT"

Lack of F$^&&*^$%$ Talent

Rusty

[covanant]

Used the line"theres a piece of on your club"
the other day on my partner,after a bad drive into the trees.
His brother in law roared for 20 minutes!
Very funny,blank look on his face for 15 seconds after i said it!

[sandbagger72]

If a ball comes short on a 5ft putt say to the player " hit it with youre *** purse you *!"

[ironmaster15213]

How about when someone your playing with is lineing up a 3 foot birdie putt and you say "alright buddy get it close" ......or if your playing a really easy hole and hitting it everywhere that you don't want to be, you finish making your third putt for an eight and you wipe your forehead with the back of your hand while saying "boy is this a tough course!!!!!" that'll leave them rolling in the bunker laughing!!!!

[royce aube]

When a player sculls one on a par three and its lands on or near the green i call that a G B S GOOD BAD SHOT

[buckylasek]

Good joke, have to try them.

[ironmaster15213]

Here's another one someone told me but I haven't had the heart to use yet. The next time you crush a drive a lot longer than your buddy; you turn to him and say you had better enjoy your round of golf here cause they're turning this property into a super mall next year. To which he or she will probably say, really! I hadn't heard about that project! to which you say yah, their putting the new walmart supercenter right between our two drives!!!!!!!

[buckylasek]

This one roxx

[golfinteg]

As a couple of die-hard golfers, Joe & I were playing at Cedar Glen on a wet and cold miserable day in October last year. It started to flurried but we continue on. At this particular hole my Catholic neighbour was trying to make a long putt and he took awhile and looked like he was praying. Then it started to rain hailstones on the green.
“Be precise with your prayers and Hail Mary’s, Joe” I shivered with laughter when Joe missed the hole.
I just couldn’t resist sharing this for this was my best golf line for the year 2005 eh!

[manitoulin]

alice is what you call a short putt.

[Ian]

When a putt is left hanging on the edge, I usually say "That's a South American putt; just needed one more revolution!"

[Golfbum]

I like saying "That was a 3 piece chicken dinner and you still have one piece left in the box" when someone comes up about 5 feet short on a putt!

Another one, "Did you get your putter caught in your skirt on that putt or are you wearing your wife's panties today?" (NO OFFENSE MEANT TO THE LADIES OF THE FORUM )

Or "Nice lay up, I didn't know you could lay up on the green"

When someone hits it OB "That's Obbie One Kanobbie"

["Richard"]

when my friends chunk on a par 3 I always say... nice lay up

[Golfbum]

when my friends chunk on a par 3 I always say... nice lay up

Hey, I laid up on the 200 yarder today and made par! I did not chunk it though, I SKULLED IT. Cool Day, forged irons, skulled shot, guess how my finger tips felt for a minute or two

[Arnold Kleiman]

Watched a guy tee off and he yelled AFB asked him what AFB meant and he said Adios fu-kin- Ball

[Arnold Kleiman]

When someone makes a good hit but their direction is off we say - your towards was off.

When someone hits the ball over 2 fairways ask them if they give airmiles with that.

[royce aube]

Try A M F Adios Mother F--ker

[jeffc]

FABIO - F*#$ing Awful But It's OK.

[larry]

After having a 9 on one hole, my buddy (?) asked me on the way to the next hole if I prefered whatever I was doing to golf.