GOLFisms

1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk - Grantland Rice

2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five. -John Updike

3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.. - Robert Lynd

4.. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is. - Horace G. Hutchinson

5. They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that. - Gardner Dickinson

6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they'd starve to death. - Sam Snead

7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. - William Wordsworth

8. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. - Dean Martin

9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up. - Tommy Bolt

10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one. - Bishop Sheen

11. I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced. - Arnold Palmer

12. My handicap? Woods and irons. - Chris Codiroli

13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top. - Pete Dye

14. I'm hitting the woods just great; but having a terrible time getting out of them! -
Buddy Hackett

5. The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf. - Billy Graham

16. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. -
Jack Lemmon

17. It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. -
Mark Twain

18. Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty. - Harry Vardon

19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them. - Jimmy DeMaret

20. May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters. - Ben Hogan

21. If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle. - All Us Hackers

22. Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. - Lee Trevino

"Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into a even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose." -- Winston Churchill

" The trouble with playing golf south of the border---their cups are 20% smaller" at least that's my excuse :lmfao

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