Forum: Golf Jokes

Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar. Tiger turns to Stevie and says, 'How's the singing career going?' Stevie replies, 'Not too bad. How's the golf?' Woods replies, 'Not too bad, I've had some problems with knee and my swing, but I think I've got that right now.' Stevie...

Tiger's new boat.

10. I bent my shaft! 9. After 18 holes I can barely walk 8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker 7. Look at the size of his putter 6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more 5. Mind if I join your threesome? 4. Hold up...I need to wash my balls first 3. My hands are so...

Saw this today online, enjoy! :-) http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=ReKQLTeSMbY

One fine day, Dan and Steve are out golfing. Dan slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. The brush is quite thick, but Dan searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he...

A man was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second. On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang. It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been...

The room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurance and support to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy. She said "Ladies,...

Ummmm.....Phil? What did I just watch???! https://www.instagram.com/p/Bl-yYxwnGUv/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=n3lqvzc0eqsa

A couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Kathleen, soon we will be married 30 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 30 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?" Kathleen replied, "Well...

The Four-Club Challenge In post-war Tokyo golf clubs were so rare they were rationed, but this did not stop golfers from enjoying the game. Players in this tournament are limited to four golf clubs for each round, one of which must be a putter. Once you've played with only four clubs, you find out...

http://www.funnyhub.com/videos/pages/bad-day-for-tiger.html

The room was full of pregnant women, with their partners. The >>Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the >>women how to breathe properly, and was telling the men how to give >>the necessary assurances to their partners at this stage of the >>pregnancy. >> >> ...

Police today warned all men who frequent clubs and parties to stay cautious when offered drinks by women. Females are using a date rape drug called "beer" to target unsuspecting men. This drug comes in liquid form and is available nearly everywhere. "Beer" is used by female predators to...

At the end of a terrible day on the limks, Larry came up to the 18th tee with its imposing water hazard. Tremendously distraught, he turned to his caddy and said, "I can't take it any more. I'm going to drown myself in that lake." His caddie said, 'You'll never drown.You can't keep your head...

If you have 1000 golf balls sitting in your basement, don't share this video with anyone in your household! LOL

James swung at his tee shot, something went wrong and a horrible slice resulted. The ball went onto the adjoining fairway and hit a man full force. He dropped! James and his partner ran up to the stricken victim who lay, quite unconscious, with the ball between his feet. "Good heavens" exclaimed...

Had a good chuckle with this one. Thought I'd share. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-vrxYLjkRkQ

:-) https://www.instagram.com/p/BwGZ8gmF4Ek/

A fellow was invited by a friend to play a round of golf at the latter's country club. However, he somehow wandered into the women's locker room and shower area. He was under a shower when he heard the locker room door open, followed by the sound of female voices. He waited a bit, hoping the...

David Letterman's Top Ten Reasons Why Golf Is Better Than Sex..... #10...A below par performance is considered damn good. #9...You can stop in the middle

Wife: Will you remarry if I die before you? Husband: Yes, I will. I'm still virile and relatively young. Wife: Will you live in our house with her? Husband: Of course. It's paid for, and I like it here. Wife: Would you let her use my golf clubs?

Here is the Table of Contents from my new book, "Winning Golf Strategies", which I believe gives the reader valuable playing tips and insider information that I have gained through my own years of experience in the game and observations of golfing partners. Table of Contents: Chapter 1...

Here's some things to try when you are bored this winter... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBMxW9B3lpc

:bored: No matter how depressed you you are at the prospect that we may have a late season opening, and therefore need to swing a club to avoid having to take anti-depressants, don't do it in the Living Room, go to the Garage.:grumpy: :wallbash Just swong my beautiful new Tour Edge Exotics CG1...

For those who haven't seen this yet, I'd love to try this technique out on the range! https://twitter.com/wheatiePGA/status/908146996329902081 :golf

There was a country club which didn't allow women on the golf course. Eventually, there was enough pressure that they decided to allow women on the course during the week. The ladies were satisfied with this arrangement, formed a women's club, and became active. After about 6 months, the club...

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer. You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks Golf is harder than...

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "No." And the guy lived happily ever after and went golfing every day. THE END :-) :-) :-)

A wife asks her husband, "If I died, would you marry again?" "I would!" "And would you let her come into my house?" "I would!" "Would she be working in my kitchen?" "She would!" "Would she sleep in my bed?" "She would!" "Would she put her clothes in my press?" "She would!"

You know you are addicted to golf when: - you go to the course alone and pair up with anyone at all - you finish 18 holes and announce to your group you are ready for 9 more - you often get upset because you only managed to get in 4 rounds in one week - you wish there were 6 warmup holes...

Ok if you do not laugh at this you are on the verge of being dead!