Forum: Golf Jokes

Golf Humour Eileen and her husband Doug went for counseling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, Eileen went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of...

Before reading the neat poem below, here is a little known fact about golf balls. According to Golf World magazine, the average golfer loses two golf balls per round for a worldwide total of approximately 2,465,752 every day. Worried about running out? Don't be. Companies like Titleist are...

And then finally, there is the American playing golf in Scotland for the first time. After hitting his tee shot off the first out-of-bounds, he asks his local caddie, “Do you have Mulligans in Scotland”? The caddie replies “Aye, we do sir – but here we call them 3’s”!

ACTUAL CALLS RECEIVED AT THE PUBLIC GOLF COURSE (Amherst, Mass.) Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: What are your green fees? Staff: 38 dollars. Caller: Does that include golf? ------------------------------------------------- ...

These guys had a suprise................!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DD-WZ1mKUG8

Thought some of you may find this helpful!

http://www.maniacworld.com/funny-golf-bloopers.html

1. Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it. 2. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. 3. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls. 4. If you're afraid a full shot...

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer . Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks "Golf...

Arthur is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. "That's it", he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has got so bad.... once I've hit the ball, I can't see where it went." His wife sympathizes, and pours...

Golf has given us some unusual and colorful terms to describe shots. Shank, chili-dip, skull, duck-hook, worm-burner, etc. Here are some new ones to add to your vocabulary. A *Paris Hilton* - a very expensive hole.A *James Joyce* - putt that's an impossible read.A *Rock Hudson * -it looked...

David Feherty "I was always pervertedly fond of the way Corey Pavin played, even though losing to the Chaplin-esque chopper is like getting your ass kicked by a grinning garden gnome."

Swiped these from another forum 1. "Put me down for 8, where's the beer cart?" 2. When you leave the first putt way short..... There is some chicken left on that bone. 3. when you play a course with alot of houses and someone jacks it straight at one........... yell,

Last week, after a round of golf, we decided to have supper at the clubhouse resturant and after sitting down I noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon...

can't remember the exact writing... Fred comes home from his usual Saturday golf game and is welcomed with a "Hi Honey, how was your golf game" from his wife. Fred answer's "Awful, Harry dropped dead on the tenth hole". "Oh my dear, that's terrible" replies his wife. "You're telling me, the...

So, I found this ... and didn't dare post it in the Rules forum.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yxv7ixTymik bet he was waiting at 6am!

If you have 1000 golf balls sitting in your basement, don't share this video with anyone in your household! LOL

Answer to Peter Jacobson’s thoughts,:scratchch “Do not expect more out of your golf game then what you put into it!”:thumbsup To lower ones score on the golf course without need of practice.:golf It is recommended that one has the most valuable and effective graphite shaft in their bag of...

A Priest decides that he wants to go play a round of golf on a sunday for a change, so he plans ahead and finds someone to do his sermon for him, careful not to mention that he wants to play golf instead. A saint from heaven saw right through his plan and asked God, " Your not gonna let him get...

Saw this on another forum and it's too good a tip not to share. :-) http://www.jimmysreef.com/main.php/v/Videos/golftip.wmv.html

An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for the little blue "Viagra" pill. The pharmacist asked "How many?" The man replied, "Just a few, maybe a half dozen. I cut each one into four pieces." The pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get...

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of...

Dear Abby: I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with 'the girls' a lot...

One fine day, Dan and Steve are out golfing. Dan slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. The brush is quite thick, but Dan searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he...

Ok so you want more Tiger here you go... http://www.break.com/games/tiger-woods-wife-outrun.html

We all know how golf was invented but apparently Robin Williams thinks LOTS of scotch was involved. Check out the video: http://www.zoobat.com/?p=136:) <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p> </o:p> TK <o:p> </o:p> Just got a new set of Nike Ignite...

An 85 year old man says to his doctor that he enjoys playing golf everyday but his vision is not was it used to be and often time looses sight of the ball after hitting it. The doctor suggest that another patient of his, a 90 year old man who as an excellent vision is always looking for new ways to...

that you had to give up golfing or she would leave you .... Would you miss her?? :eek:

Years ago at the original Dome Hill golf course I was playing in the Pro/Am tournament with a pro and 2 other friends who where also members. On the 16th hole there was a van behind the green, to be won if someone aced the hole. My friend put his first shot in the pond stretching around a majority...

You know you are addicted to golf when: - you go to the course alone and pair up with anyone at all - you finish 18 holes and announce to your group you are ready for 9 more - you often get upset because you only managed to get in 4 rounds in one week - you wish there were 6 warmup holes...