Forum: Golf Jokes

Reflections on 1923 * Did you know who in 1923 was: 1. President of the largest steel company? 2. President of the largest gas company? 3. President of the New York Stock Exchange? 4. Greatest wheat speculator? 5. President of the Bank of International Settlement? 6. Great Bear of Wall...

A foursome of ladies came back after a round of golf. At the 19th hole in the Clubhouse, the Pro asked them "How did your game go?" The first said she had a good round with 25 riders. The second said she did OK with 16 riders. The third said not too bad since I had 10 riders. The fourth was...

We all know how golf was invented but apparently Robin Williams thinks LOTS of scotch was involved. Check out the video: http://www.zoobat.com/?p=136:) <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p> </o:p> TK <o:p> </o:p> Just got a new set of Nike Ignite...

I know you all heard this before and it's funny as heck but here is the link in case you want to have a laugh. :-) :laughing: Robin Williams on golf NOTE: there is some language with this video

Last week, after a round of golf, we decided to have supper at the clubhouse resturant and after sitting down I noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon...

Two women were put together as partners in the club tournament and met on the putting green for the first time. After introductions, the first golfer asked, "What’s your handicap?" "Oh, I’m a scratch golfer," the other replied. "Really!" exclaimed the first woman, suitably impressed that she was...

Arthur is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. "That's it", he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has got so bad.... once I've hit the ball, I can't see where it went." His wife sympathizes, and pours...

A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport. "These hills are getting steeper as the years go by," one complained. "These fairways seem to be getting longer too," said one of the others. "The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them too," said the...

more of a story not a joke , but a good chuckle none the less https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6I7EGnzYRiU

A Scotsman was shipwrecked and finally washed ashore on a small island. As he regains consciousness on the beach he sees a beautiful unclad nymphet standing over him. She asks, "Would you like some food?" The Scot hoarsely croaks, "Och, lassie, I havna' ittin a bite in a week noo, and I am verra...

Slice retaliation http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MC8Zvl-8ziA

Good news guys, stroke and distance is out Bad news though, lying is still forbidden.

I love it when you play golf on Sundays, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday too. Listen, I make enough money for the both of us. Why don't you retire and get that nagging handicap down to a 7 or 8 I'd rather watch golf and drink beer with you than go shopping. Forget the...

A man and his friend meet on the golf course and decide to finish off the round together.The friend has a little dog with him and on the next green, when the friend holes out with a 20 foot putt, the little dog starts yipping and stands up on its hind legs. The Man is quite amazed at this clever...

I don't know if anyone has seen this yet, it is really funny! http://www.spike.com/video/star-wars-shoot/2996496

Three men who had been avid golfers all their lives, were at the gates of heaven. St. Peter told them that past the gates of heaven was the greatest golf course ever created. He also said that you would be given a set of golf clubs based on how faithful you had been in your life. The first man went...

After hacking my way around a course with a professional golfer, I asked him what the problem was with my game. He answered cooly and casually, "It's simple, you're standing too close to your ball............after you hit it"!

Enjoy :-) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PNsMXe170Q#t=85

Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar. Woods turns to Wonder and says: How is the singing career going?" Stevie Wonder replies: "Not too bad! How's the golf?" Woods replies: "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right now." Stevie Wonder says:...

Story with a Moral In 1923, Who Was: 1. President of the largest steel company?

Take a good close look at the first cartoon. I will say "Look closely at the TREE" :lmfao Is that GEOFF checking out the clubs for sale? :-) The other one, is next years MATCH between "RICHARD" and Dan. Might be "RICHARDS" only chance of beating DAN! Although "RICHARD" and I have made an...

> > A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple > of strokes. > > "Boy, I'd give anything to sink this putt," the golfer mumbles to > himself. > > > > Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and > > whispers, "Would you be willing to give up...

Men: A putter plunger to help pick up your ball without bending over. If you can't bend over hire a caddy. Women: Those giant visors sometimes flaunting a bow on the front. They are WAY too big and obnoxious, and could be hazardous in a strong wind. Coloured golf balls. There is still some...

Eating tacos, burritos and enchiritos while trying to nail that ball with your 3 wood is perhaps the most daunting challenge of all. It is however very easily achieved if you are prepared to do a little work beforehand. Simply throw all of your foodstuffs and the contents of one (1) can of your...

A priest is playing a round of golf at the local public course when he arrives at the 15th tee. This hole is a 160 yard par three with a lake in the front of the green. It is also the padre's nemesis, no matter how well or how poorly he is playing. Upon arriving at the tee, the priest tees up his...

For Good Players Whose Scores Would Reflect Their Ability If Only They Got A Lucky Break Once In A While. 1. A ball sliced or hooked into the rough shall be lifted and placed in the fairway at a point equal to the distance it carried or rolled in the rough. Such veering to the right or to the...

I think that you have to be retired to be allowed to use these new rules.:-) The 2006 golf rules for seniors: Rule 1

The Dead Parrot At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Mr. Humphrey? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house" "Ah yes Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?" "Um, I am just calling to advise you, sir, that your parrot died"

1. Winston Churchill: "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture." 2. Jack Benny: "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf, and you can keep the fresh air and the round of golf." 3. Lee Trevino: "You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask...

http://members.shaw.ca/stephen.sutherland/golf.html :)

A nun walked into Mother Superior’s office and plunked down into a chair. She let out a sigh, heavy with frustration."What troubles you, Sister?" asked the Mother Superior. "I thought this was the day you spent with your family." "It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with...

The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs by his side. She said, "What are your golf clubs doing here?" He looked her right in the eye--and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"

Two golfers were waiting their turn on the tee when a naked woman ran across the fairway and into the woods. Two men in white coats and another guy carrying two buckets of sand were chasing her, and a little old man was bringing up the rear. One of the golfers asked the old man, "What the hell...

The club ho scale: 3 seperate classes of ho's Class A=The collector,one who buys as much as he or she can,simply to store. Class B=The player who relies on new models/technology in hope of improving his/her score. Class C=The player who cant resist the allure of shiny new gear,thus never...

Pine trees eat golf balls. Hazards attract; fairways repel. It's not a gimme if you're still away. Aim for the bunker, you'll never hit it. A putt cannot be wished into the cup. If it ain't broke, try changing your grip. Golfers who claim they don't cheat, also lie. It rains only when you...

Sam stood over his tee shot on the 450 yard 18th hole for what seemed an eternity. He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't start his back swing. Finally his exasperated partner asked, "What in the hell is taking so long?" "My wife is watching me from the clubhouse balcony,"...

This local parish priest decides he's going to improve his game the next time he plays. When he goes into the proshop he asks the pro if he could play a round with him, just to get a few pointers. The pro agrees and leaves the shop with the priest. All through the round the pro gives the priest...

The Pro is my Shepherd The Pro is my Shepherd, I shall not Slice. He maketh me to Drive Straight Down Green Fairways; He leadeth me Safely across Still Water-Hazards;

An 80-year-old Scotsman goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, "How do you stay in such great physical condition?" I'm Scottish and I am a golfer," says the old guy, "and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight...

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said "No." And the guy lived happily ever after and went golfing a lot. THE END

A husband and wife went for counselling after 15 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy,...

Did one of our members write this? I have at least one of our frequent visitors in mind. :-) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=osD2U-s8i6E&feature=related

Swiped these from another forum 1. "Put me down for 8, where's the beer cart?" 2. When you leave the first putt way short..... There is some chicken left on that bone. 3. when you play a course with alot of houses and someone jacks it straight at one........... yell,

This guy really needs to see his local pro and get that driver straightened out:-) http://www.stuntcook.com/index.php?i=12242

On a golf tour in Newfoundland, Tiger Woods drives his new Ford Fusion into a gas station in a remote outport. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Newfoundlander manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. "How's she...

So, I found this ... and didn't dare post it in the Rules forum.

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.' So he tied her up and went golfing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ubAxWIfcE5I&NR This would be so fun :)

tiger drives up to a gas station to get gas,he gets out of his car and some tee,s fall out of his pockit. the guy serving the gas said.what are they.and tiger said. they are to rest my balls on when iam driving. the gas guy said what will they think of next with these new cars.