Forum: Golf Jokes

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls. He sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls". Nevertheless, the blonde...

:bored: No matter how depressed you you are at the prospect that we may have a late season opening, and therefore need to swing a club to avoid having to take anti-depressants, don't do it in the Living Room, go to the Garage.:grumpy: :wallbash Just swong my beautiful new Tour Edge Exotics CG1...

http://www.golf.com/golf/video/article/0,28224,1720077,00.html

A recent study has revealed that a hardy golfer walks approximately 900 miles per year. Another study has revealed that a hardy golfer drinks on an average 22 gallons of beer each golf season. We can safely conclude that a hardy golfer gets approximately 41 miles per gallon!! Have a...

Police today warned all men who frequent clubs and parties to stay cautious when offered drinks by women. Females are using a date rape drug called "beer" to target unsuspecting men. This drug comes in liquid form and is available nearly everywhere. "Beer" is used by female predators to...

New Golf Rules for seniors I thought you would want to know. The CARP Organization (Canadian Association of Retired People) has negotiated with the USGA & the Canadian Golf Association to modify the Rules of Golf for seniors, effective January 1, 2008. Rule 1.a.5

Hey this is the club you need right here for those times (Now I know not many of you drive it wildly :-)) when you are in the deep rough after missing a fairway! BIG DADDY DRIVER :laughing::laughing:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yxv7ixTymik bet he was waiting at 6am!

Dear Abby, I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. I've witnessed the usual signals; the phone rings, but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with 'the girls' a lot...

Did one of our members write this? I have at least one of our frequent visitors in mind. :-) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=osD2U-s8i6E&feature=related

Anyone have one? http://www.hockeystickputters.com/

David Feherty "I was always pervertedly fond of the way Corey Pavin played, even though losing to the Chaplin-esque chopper is like getting your ass kicked by a grinning garden gnome."

http://members.shaw.ca/stephen.sutherland/golf.html :)

The Starz bunnies do Caddy Shack in 30 seconds... http://www.angryalien.com/aa/caddyshackbuns.asp

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife. After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact, 'Connie ...Connie': 'Is that...

20 absolute laws of golf 1: No matter how bad your last shot was it won't be your worst. 2: After playing your best round of golf you can be sure that your next round will be one of your worst. The probability of this law coming true increases with the number of people you tell...

Dear Abby: I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with 'the girls' a lot...

A fellow was invited by a friend to play a round of golf at the latter's country club. However, he somehow wandered into the women's locker room and shower area. He was under a shower when he heard the locker room door open, followed by the sound of female voices. He waited a bit, hoping the...

The funniest part of the song "my putter alone cost a thousand bucks". http://members.shaw.ca/stephen.sutherland/golf.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMa02LjDmHE&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Etotalprosports%2Ecom%2Fblog%2Findex%2Ephp%2F2009%2F05%2Fdavid%2Dfeherty%2Dasks%2Dhey%2Dtiger%2Ddo%2Dyou%2Dfeel%2Dlike%2Da%2Dloser%2F&feature=player_embedded :laughing::laughing::laughing:

An 80-year-old Scotsman goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, "How do you stay in such great physical condition?" I'm Scottish and I am a golfer," says the old guy, "and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight...

http://www.maniacworld.com/funny-golf-bloopers.html

can't remember the exact writing... Fred comes home from his usual Saturday golf game and is welcomed with a "Hi Honey, how was your golf game" from his wife. Fred answer's "Awful, Harry dropped dead on the tenth hole". "Oh my dear, that's terrible" replies his wife. "You're telling me, the...

A golfer set up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit through. Taking out his 3-wood, he took another mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in...

Had a good chuckle with this one. Thought I'd share. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-vrxYLjkRkQ

http://www.cincinnati.com/golf/golfquiz/html/brand.htm

:-) Subject: Golf Book Many of you may not know it, but I have been very busy over the last 4 years putting my thoughts and ideas together in a book. I am very proud of the results and to assist with the marketing, I am asking friends and family to help me out. I believe my new book on...

ACTUAL CALLS RECEIVED AT THE PUBLIC GOLF COURSE (Amherst, Mass.) Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: What are your green fees? Staff: 38 dollars. Caller: Does that include golf? ------------------------------------------------- ...

In My Hand I Hold A Ball, White And Dimpled, Rather Small. Oh, How Bland It Does Appear, This Harmless Looking Little Sphere.. By It's Size I Could Not Guess, The Awesome Strength It Does Possess. But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell, I've Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell.

Two friends were playing golf one day. They decided they would adhere strictly to the rules with no improving their lie. After a few holes, one guy's ball landed on a cart path. As he reached down to pick up his ball to get relief his friend said, "We agreed that we would not improve our lie."...

# 10 Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake." Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?" # 9 Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth. # 8 Golfer: "Do you think my game is...

These will make you laugh - they're so true. ______________________ Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls. If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while...

A husband and wife were out golfing together one day when they came upon a tough par 4 hole. The husband hooked his drive deep into the woods and proclaimed that he would have to chip out. Then the wife said: "Maybe not, dear! Do you see that barn over there? If I open the doors on both sides, I do...

Ok so you want more Tiger here you go... http://www.break.com/games/tiger-woods-wife-outrun.html

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal. Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave...

This is a good one!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUj_qqVxVrE Really reminds me of my friend Sillywilly :P :-)

A nun walked into Mother Superior’s office and plunked down into a chair. She let out a sigh, heavy with frustration."What troubles you, Sister?" asked the Mother Superior. "I thought this was the day you spent with your family." "It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with...

Wife: Will you remarry if I die before you? Husband: Yes, I will. I'm still virile and relatively young. Wife: Will you live in our house with her? Husband: Of course. It's paid for, and I like it here. Wife: Would you let her use my golf clubs?

I don't know if anyone has seen this yet, it is really funny! http://www.spike.com/video/star-wars-shoot/2996496

A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack! "Help me dear," she groans to her husband. The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for minute, picks up his putter and lines up his putt. His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. ...

The room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurance and support to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy. She said "Ladies,...

A Priest decides that he wants to go play a round of golf on a sunday for a change, so he plans ahead and finds someone to do his sermon for him, careful not to mention that he wants to play golf instead. A saint from heaven saw right through his plan and asked God, " Your not gonna let him get...

Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar. Tiger turns to Stevie and says, 'How's the singing career going?' Stevie replies, 'Not too bad. How's the golf?' Woods replies, 'Not too bad, I've had some problems with knee and my swing, but I think I've got that right now.' Stevie...

I have seen many of these scroll across the banner on this site but they are still pretty funny: ONLY A TRUE GOLFER WILL UNDERSTAND THESE: Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it. Never try to keep more than 300 separate...

You don't need to know french to appreciate this local legend! An oldie, but a goodie - ENJOY! :goodvibes http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULP0cbGXU8k

Golf course on an aircraft carrier, mini golf, and more. The woman kissing her trophy made me laugh out loud. http://quick-content.com/?p=173

Wife’s Diary: Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I...

On Sunday I'm playing golf and we hear an old couple having an arguement on the hole next to us. We couldn't hear what they were arguing about, but we heard the woman say "Why are you questioning me?!" Woman takes off, the man puts his head down and follows the woman. We had a good...