Forum: Golf Jokes

A MUST READ FOR YOU... HOW TO PLAY WINNING GOLF TABLE OF CONTENTS: Chapter 1 - How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt Chapter 2 - How to Hit a Dunlop from the Rough When You Hit a Titleist from the Tee Chapter 3 - How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a Bunker (also...

This is how we speed up slow play in our neck of the woods! Very effective method and no one gets hurt. (Normally no one gets hurt :lmfao ) Plus, no one will argue with you, so you do not have those ugly scenes on the course! :laughing:

Here is a new Golf Book that might make for interesting reading for some of you. The title is "How to Line up Your 4th Putt" by BOBBY RUSHER. Here are some of the more notable chapters: A. How to hit a Top Flite from the rough when you hit a Titleist from the tee. B. How to avoid the water...

http://www.golfresource.net/videos/Diver.wmv

Golf Nuts and HOW LUCKY A man was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle and a birdie on the second. On the third hole he scored his first hole in one, when his cell phone rang. It was his doctor notifying him his wife had just been in a terrible ...

The Pope met with his cardinals to discuss a proposal from Benjamin Netanyahu, the leader of Israel. "Your Holiness" said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Netanyahu wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths." The Pope...

Anyone have one? http://www.hockeystickputters.com/

Swing thoughts for a better game:lmfao http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3oDW7if7rgw

In 1912, Harry Dearth played a match at Bushey Hall in England while wearing a complete suite of heavy armor. He lost the match.

This 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, die in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to the wife's neurotic interest in health food. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a...

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he’d try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green." The novice...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbNSGI_nV1s

Guide to The Non-Playing Expert and Other Golf Characters As if assigned by nature, it just so happens that every golf club in the world has one member who knows it all and has done it all. These are usually perfectly honorable folks whose only abnormality is a high balata count in their blood. ...

A grandfather and grandson were playing golf together. On a severely dog-legged par 4, the grandfather told the grandson, "When I was your age, I'd aim right over those trees and hit the green every time." The grandson thought about that comment and decided to give it a try. He hit a long high...

There were these two guys who played golf together frequently. The one guy was several strokes better than the other guy, but the lesser player was very proud, and never wanted to take any strokes to even up the game. Finally, one Saturday morning he shows up with a gorilla at the first tee. He...

Good-Bye A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying: "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa." The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?" The little girl said, ...

Lloyd was teeing off from the back tees. On his down-swing, he suddenly realized that his wife, Jean, was about to tee off from the red tees, directly in his path. Unable to stop his down swing he nailed the ball, hit Jean directly in the right temple, killing her instantly. A few days later...

I have seen many of these scroll across the banner on this site but they are still pretty funny: ONLY A TRUE GOLFER WILL UNDERSTAND THESE: Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it. Never try to keep more than 300 separate...

>>>> A golfer is looking for his ball in the woods when he comes up to >>>> another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly pressed against the >>>> tree. Seeing this he inquires, "Just out of curiosity, what the >>>> hell are you doing?" >>>> >>>> "I'm listening to the music of the tree."...

Golfer: "I've played so poorly all day; I think I'm going to go drown myself in that lake." Caddy: "I don't think you could keep your head down that long." Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world!" Caddy: "I doubt it, that would be too much of a coincidence" Golfer: "I'd move...

Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls. If you're afraid a full shot might reach the...

1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk. Grantland Rice 2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five. John Updike ...

These will make you laugh - they're so true. ______________________ Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls. If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while...

http://www.cincinnati.com/golf/golfquiz/html/brand.htm

A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun. He arrives and plays a round of golf. It cost him a buck. When he goes for dinner that evening, it costs him another buck. His room is only...

Saw this on another forum and it's too good a tip not to share. :-) http://www.jimmysreef.com/main.php/v/Videos/golftip.wmv.html

Golf has given us some unusual and colorful terms to describe shots. Shank, chili-dip, skull, duck-hook, worm-burner, etc. Here are some new ones to add to your vocabulary. A *Paris Hilton* - a very expensive hole.A *James Joyce* - putt that's an impossible read.A *Rock Hudson * -it looked...

http://www.bogeypro.com/images/skills/ Musta been broken when I tried it.. but it worked for Kiwiman.

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KyDHaKtROZo&feature=player_embedded#!

You may have read this book before, but, it never hurts to read more info on golf. :-) Here is a book to read......The chapters are summarized below. Chapter 1 - How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt Chapter 2 - How to Hit a Nike from the Rough When You Hit a Titleist from the Tee ...

A businessman was attending a Conference in Africa. He had a free day and wanted to play a round of Golf. He asked whether there was any course in the vicinity and was directed to one in the jungle. After a short journey, he arrived at the Course and advised the Pro that he wanted to play 18...

1. Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it. 2. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. 3. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls. 4. If you're afraid a full shot...

Before reading the neat poem below, here is a little known fact about golf balls. According to Golf World magazine, the average golfer loses two golf balls per round for a worldwide total of approximately 2,465,752 every day. Worried about running out? Don't be. Companies like Titleist are...

Golf Humour Eileen and her husband Doug went for counseling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, Eileen went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of...

A husband and wife were out golfing together one day when they came upon a tough par 4 hole. The husband hooked his drive deep into the woods and proclaimed that he would have to chip out. Then the wife said: "Maybe not, dear! Do you see that barn over there? If I open the doors on both sides, I do...

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. "How was he killed?" asked one detective. "With a golf gun," the other detective replied. "A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?" "I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend...

Tom was a golf fanatic and a religious man as well. He would always play golf on the weekends and also make sure he went to church. Tom was getting on in years, and one day after feeling rather poorly, he remarked to his wife, "I sure hope there is golf in the after-life, I feel terrible!" To which...

There was this guy who went golfing every day, it didn't matter what kind of weather it was he was hooked on a round of golf. One Saturday he left the house early and headed for the golf course, but it was so bitter cold that he decided he wouldn't golf that day and went back home. His wife was...

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer . Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks "Golf...

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. The teacher then announced, "Ladies,...

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls. He sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls". Nevertheless, the blonde...

A priest who is also a mad keen golfer is desperate to get a game in after a long snowed in winter. The weather finally clears and the conditions are fine enough to get out for a game, but the only available time was an early Sunday morning clashing with his Sunday Mass duties. He tells a huge...

God as a Golf Coach A golfer, now into his golden years, had a lifelong ambition to play the 17th hole at Sawgrass in Ponte Verde, Fla. exactly the way the pros do it. The pros drive the ball out over the water onto the small green that is on a small spit of land. It was something...