Forum: Golf Jokes

A Rock Hudson Putt: Looks straight...but it ain't... Two ants sat on the grass watching a duffer dig up the course. One said to the other, “Let’s get on the ball before he kills us!” Two golfers are at the first tee: Golfer one: ``Hey, guess what? I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!'' Golfer...

Two golfers were playing along somewhere near the edge of the course. One of them gazed across the fence and remarked, "Look at those idiots over there ice skating in this blizzard!"

One fine day, Dan and Steve are out golfing. Dan slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. The brush is quite thick, but Dan searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he...

Hmmmmmm Ever wonder why so many carts end up crashing? :laughing:

A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun. He arrives and plays a round of golf. It cost him a buck. When he goes for dinner that evening, it costs him another buck. His room is only...

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said "No." And the guy lived happily ever after and went golfing a lot. THE END

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. "How was he killed?" asked one detective. "With a golf gun," the other detective replied. "A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?" "I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "No." And the guy lived happily ever after and went golfing every day. THE END :-) :-) :-)

This guy really needs to see his local pro and get that driver straightened out:-) http://www.stuntcook.com/index.php?i=12242

Table Of Contents: Chapter 1 How To Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt Chapter 2 How To Hit A Nike From The Rough When You Hit A Titleist From The Tee Chapter 3 How To Avoid The Water When You Lie 8 In A Bunker

Observed on the wall in the bar at Burning Tree, the men-only golf club for Washington DC's elite: Bar-Phone Fees: $1- "Not here" $2- "On his way out" $3- "Just left" $4- "Haven't seen him all day" $5- "Who?"

Good news guys, stroke and distance is out Bad news though, lying is still forbidden.

tiger drives up to a gas station to get gas,he gets out of his car and some tee,s fall out of his pockit. the guy serving the gas said.what are they.and tiger said. they are to rest my balls on when iam driving. the gas guy said what will they think of next with these new cars.

A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one hell of a hurry! I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf. So forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the...

A husband and wife were playing on the ninth green when he collapsed from a heart attack. "Please dear, I need help." he said. The wife ran off saying, "I'll go get some help."

A bit of a groan may be heard.

An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for the little blue "Viagra" pill. The pharmacist asked "How many?" The man replied, "Just a few, maybe a half dozen. I cut each one into four pieces." The pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get...

The room was full of pregnant women, with their partners. The >>Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the >>women how to breathe properly, and was telling the men how to give >>the necessary assurances to their partners at this stage of the >>pregnancy. >> >> ...

Saw this on another forum and it's too good a tip not to share. :-) http://www.jimmysreef.com/main.php/v/Videos/golftip.wmv.html

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing.

Ouch-Trust your golf patner http://www.livevideo.com/video/5A74169AEC1B45FAA9786B2DAD7031E7/funny-videos---golf-accident.aspx

Take a good close look at the first cartoon. I will say "Look closely at the TREE" :lmfao Is that GEOFF checking out the clubs for sale? :-) The other one, is next years MATCH between "RICHARD" and Dan. Might be "RICHARDS" only chance of beating DAN! Although "RICHARD" and I have made an...

A man was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second. On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang. It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been...

Freddy went to a career counselor to determine what field he should enter. After extensive testing, the counselor finally gave him the results. "Well, Fred, according to our tests, you are a sadistic psychopath who enjoys inflicting pain, misery and suffering on others. All in all, you'd be...

A good friend of mine emailed this to me, this is too funny! Why I deserve an exemption By John Garrity

Dear Abby, I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. I've witnessed the usual signals; the phone rings, but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with 'the girls' a lot...

FYI… A recent study found the average Canadian golfer walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found Canadian golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of beer a year. That means, on average, Canadian golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon.

A husband and wife went for counselling after 15 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy,...

Lloyd was teeing off from the back tees. On his down-swing, he suddenly realized that his wife, Jean, was about to tee off from the red tees, directly in his path. Unable to stop his down swing he nailed the ball, hit Jean directly in the right temple, killing her instantly. A few days later...

I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with "the girls" a lot recently; although when I ask their names...

http://members.shaw.ca/stephen.sutherland/golf.html :)

can't remember the exact writing... Fred comes home from his usual Saturday golf game and is welcomed with a "Hi Honey, how was your golf game" from his wife. Fred answer's "Awful, Harry dropped dead on the tenth hole". "Oh my dear, that's terrible" replies his wife. "You're telling me, the...

ACTUAL CALLS RECEIVED AT THE PUBLIC GOLF COURSE (Amherst, Mass.) Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: What are your green fees? Staff: 38 dollars. Caller: Does that include golf? ------------------------------------------------- ...

These will make you laugh - they're so true. ______________________ Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls. If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while...

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal. Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave...

On Sunday I'm playing golf and we hear an old couple having an arguement on the hole next to us. We couldn't hear what they were arguing about, but we heard the woman say "Why are you questioning me?!" Woman takes off, the man puts his head down and follows the woman. We had a good...

Last week, after a round of golf, we decided to have supper at the clubhouse resturant and after sitting down I noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon...

Some of these are pretty good hehe http://www.golfdigest.com/golf/humor/photos-golf-doppelgangers#intro

BOOM!!! :cool http://www.golfchannel.com/media/sadlowski-destroys-simulator/

How do people think up these shots? :laughing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=kiWrMoqL6Ps

A priest who is also a mad keen golfer is desperate to get a game in after a long snowed in winter. The weather finally clears and the conditions are fine enough to get out for a game, but the only available time was an early Sunday morning clashing with his Sunday Mass duties. He tells a huge...

:cool http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Md08xx3n1o4

Just brutal..... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0bR3-tE29Vc

For those who haven't seen this yet, I'd love to try this technique out on the range! https://twitter.com/wheatiePGA/status/908146996329902081 :golf

:-) https://www.instagram.com/p/BwGZ8gmF4Ek/

I was playing a round with an older fella and just as he was about ready to hit his tee shot omn the 3rd tee he noticed a funeral procession approaching. He took off his hat, put it over his heart, and stood silently and watched the procession go by until it disappeared. I said, "That's really...

Had a good chuckle with this one. Thought I'd share. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-vrxYLjkRkQ