Forum: Golf Jokes

>>>> A golfer is looking for his ball in the woods when he comes up to >>>> another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly pressed against the >>>> tree. Seeing this he inquires, "Just out of curiosity, what the >>>> hell are you doing?" >>>> >>>> "I'm listening to the music of the tree."...

Did one of our members write this? I have at least one of our frequent visitors in mind. :-) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=osD2U-s8i6E&feature=related

An 80-year-old Scotsman goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, "How do you stay in such great physical condition?" I'm Scottish and I am a golfer," says the old guy, "and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight...

# 10 Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake." Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?" # 9 Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth. # 8 Golfer: "Do you think my game is...

I know you all heard this before and it's funny as heck but here is the link in case you want to have a laugh. :-) :laughing: Robin Williams on golf NOTE: there is some language with this video

The end of this is golf relevant...be aware, some uses of the F-word. http://www.hedonistica.com/media.php?path=/videos/robin_williams_on_golf.wmv

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAzRa05eFEY&NR

On a golf tour in Newfoundland, Tiger Woods drives his new Ford Fusion into a gas station in a remote outport. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Newfoundlander manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. "How's she...

After a particularly poor game of golf, the golfer skipped the "19th" hole and headed straight for home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, "Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?" "Yes, I guess that would be about...

1. Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it. 2. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. 3. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls. 4. If you're afraid a full shot...

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.' So he tied her up and went golfing.

20 absolute laws of golf 1: No matter how bad your last shot was it won't be your worst. 2: After playing your best round of golf you can be sure that your next round will be one of your worst. The probability of this law coming true increases with the number of people you tell...

http://www.maniacworld.com/funny-golf-bloopers.html

Golf course on an aircraft carrier, mini golf, and more. The woman kissing her trophy made me laugh out loud. http://quick-content.com/?p=173

Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar. Tiger turns to Stevie and says, 'How's the singing career going?' Stevie replies, 'Not too bad. How's the golf?' Woods replies, 'Not too bad, I've had some problems with knee and my swing, but I think I've got that right now.' Stevie...

This is a good one!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUj_qqVxVrE Really reminds me of my friend Sillywilly :P :-)

You don't need to know french to appreciate this local legend! An oldie, but a goodie - ENJOY! :goodvibes http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULP0cbGXU8k

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend...

haha.....awesome! http://www.golf.com/photos/dufnering-meme-takes-internet-storm-jason-dufner-twitter/jason-dufner-keegan-bradley?sct=hp3#332455

Better form than my normal swing :scratchch http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYd8KE2Whd8

A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. Although worried this will slow him up, the younger...

that you had to give up golfing or she would leave you .... Would you miss her?? :eek:

"Hi my name is Bill and I'm a Golfer..." While some like to debate whether golf is a game or a sport, I'm debating whether golf is a sport or a drug. From The Addiction Research Foundation here are 10 indicators of an addiction Unusual flare-ups or outbreaks of temper (every second shot) ...

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he’d try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green." The novice...

The Dead Parrot At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Mr. Humphrey? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house" "Ah yes Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?" "Um, I am just calling to advise you, sir, that your parrot died"

It is important for men to remember, that as women grow older it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman. My...

don't recall seeing this one posted... A Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off and enjoying a round of golf. The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing. He missed the ball entirely and said "****, I missed."...

An old ball at the bottom of a golf bag is ranting and raving. "I'm sick of this" he says. "It's hot and dark in here, and I never seem to get taken out to play anymore" A nearby plastic tee shakes his head. "Unbelievable", he says. "A talking golf ball."

A golfer set up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit through. Taking out his 3-wood, he took another mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in...

Story with a Moral In 1923, Who Was: 1. President of the largest steel company?

Every course should offer this!:laughing:

So, I found this ... and didn't dare post it in the Rules forum.

A murder has been committed. Police are called to an apartment and find a man standing, holding a 5-iron in his hands, looking at the lifeless body of a woman on the ground. The detective asks, "Sir, is that your wife?" "Yes." "Did you hit her with that golf club?" "Yes. Yes, I...

...........................................Be Defined................................ Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer. Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the...

This is how we speed up slow play in our neck of the woods! Very effective method and no one gets hurt. (Normally no one gets hurt :lmfao ) Plus, no one will argue with you, so you do not have those ugly scenes on the course! :laughing:

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer . Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks "Golf...

We all know how golf was invented but apparently Robin Williams thinks LOTS of scotch was involved. Check out the video: http://www.zoobat.com/?p=136:) <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p> </o:p> TK <o:p> </o:p> Just got a new set of Nike Ignite...

Good-Bye A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying: "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa." The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?" The little girl said, ...

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. The teacher then announced, "Ladies,...

The funniest part of the song "my putter alone cost a thousand bucks". http://members.shaw.ca/stephen.sutherland/golf.html

The Starz bunnies do Caddy Shack in 30 seconds... http://www.angryalien.com/aa/caddyshackbuns.asp

A fellow was invited by a friend to play a round of golf at the latter's country club. However, he somehow wandered into the women's locker room and shower area. He was under a shower when he heard the locker room door open, followed by the sound of female voices. He waited a bit, hoping the...

Ok so you want more Tiger here you go... http://www.break.com/games/tiger-woods-wife-outrun.html

I have seen many of these scroll across the banner on this site but they are still pretty funny: ONLY A TRUE GOLFER WILL UNDERSTAND THESE: Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it. Never try to keep more than 300 separate...

9 Putts Into One Hole: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=hNZnlcOOz00

more of a story not a joke , but a good chuckle none the less https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6I7EGnzYRiU