Forum: Golf Jokes

The club ho scale: 3 seperate classes of ho's Class A=The collector,one who buys as much as he or she can,simply to store. Class B=The player who relies on new models/technology in hope of improving his/her score. Class C=The player who cant resist the allure of shiny new gear,thus never...

A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years. One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wet suit. Man: "Hi! Am I ever happy to see you."! Girl: "Hi! It seems like you've been here along time. How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" Man: "It's been ten years!" With this...

A priest who is also a mad keen golfer is desperate to get a game in after a long snowed in winter. The weather finally clears and the conditions are fine enough to get out for a game, but the only available time was an early Sunday morning clashing with his Sunday Mass duties. He tells a huge...

One day an Irishman who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, "It's certainly not a ship." And, as the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out the possibilities of a small boat and even a raft. Suddenly there emerged...

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing.

A recent study has revealed that a hardy golfer walks approximately 900 miles per year. Another study has revealed that a hardy golfer drinks on an average 22 gallons of beer each golf season. We can safely conclude that a hardy golfer gets approximately 41 miles per gallon!! Have a...

A bit of a groan may be heard.

Table Of Contents: Chapter 1 How To Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt Chapter 2 How To Hit A Nike From The Rough When You Hit A Titleist From The Tee Chapter 3 How To Avoid The Water When You Lie 8 In A Bunker

Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar. Tiger turns to Stevie and says, 'How's the singing career going?' Stevie replies, 'Not too bad. How's the golf?' Woods replies, 'Not too bad, I've had some problems with knee and my swing, but I think I've got that right now.' Stevie...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAzRa05eFEY&NR

FYI… A recent study found the average Canadian golfer walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found Canadian golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of beer a year. That means, on average, Canadian golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon.

Anyone have one? http://www.hockeystickputters.com/

Last season, I played a round with a friend of mine who was playing an unusual golf ball. "Its magic", he declared, " It glows so you can see it in the rough, it beeps so you can find it in the woods, and it floats so you can fish it out of the drink." "That's amazing", says I, "Where'd you...

Wife: Will you remarry if I die before you? Husband: Yes, I will. I'm still virile and relatively young. Wife: Will you live in our house with her? Husband: Of course. It's paid for, and I like it here. Wife: Would you let her use my golf clubs?

A murder has been committed. Police are called to an apartment and find a man standing, holding a 5-iron in his hands, looking at the lifeless body of a woman on the ground. The detective asks, "Sir, is that your wife?" "Yes." "Did you hit her with that golf club?"

A MUST READ FOR YOU... HOW TO PLAY WINNING GOLF TABLE OF CONTENTS: Chapter 1 - How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt Chapter 2 - How to Hit a Dunlop from the Rough When You Hit a Titleist from the Tee Chapter 3 - How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a Bunker (also...

http://www.bogeypro.com/images/skills/ Musta been broken when I tried it.. but it worked for Kiwiman.

tiger drives up to a gas station to get gas,he gets out of his car and some tee,s fall out of his pockit. the guy serving the gas said.what are they.and tiger said. they are to rest my balls on when iam driving. the gas guy said what will they think of next with these new cars.

The Dead Parrot At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Mr. Humphrey? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house" "Ah yes Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?" "Um, I am just calling to advise you, sir, that your parrot died"

Ok you have to see this act and then you will know what the title of this post means! http://www.anothersite.co.uk/gallery/index.php?action=showpic&cat=7&pic=1113

A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun. He arrives and plays a round of golf. It cost him a buck. When he goes for dinner that evening, it costs him another buck. His room is only...

1. Winston Churchill: "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture." 2. Jack Benny: "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf, and you can keep the fresh air and the round of golf." 3. Lee Trevino: "You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask...

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. "How was he killed?" asked one detective. "With a golf gun," the other detective replied. "A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?" "I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "No." And the guy lived happily ever after and went golfing every day. THE END :-) :-) :-)

Rumour has it that this new golf accessory will be available in a Pro Shop near you soon. :-)

I think that you have to be retired to be allowed to use these new rules.:-) The 2006 golf rules for seniors: Rule 1

A husband and wife were playing on the ninth green when he collapsed from a heart attack. "Please dear, I need help." he said. The wife ran off saying, "I'll go get some help."

I hate to miss a day of SHERMAN'S LAGOON, and this is the reason why :-) How many of us fall into this category? I know I do :laughing:

Every course should offer this!:laughing:

God as a Golf Coach A golfer, now into his golden years, had a lifelong ambition to play the 17th hole at Sawgrass in Ponte Verde, Fla. exactly the way the pros do it. The pros drive the ball out over the water onto the small green that is on a small spit of land. It was something...

Ok if you do not laugh at this you are on the verge of being dead!

Take a good close look at the first cartoon. I will say "Look closely at the TREE" :lmfao Is that GEOFF checking out the clubs for sale? :-) The other one, is next years MATCH between "RICHARD" and Dan. Might be "RICHARDS" only chance of beating DAN! Although "RICHARD" and I have made an...

If this were true I know some guys who would not make it past the 10th hole ! Subject: Golf Humor A businessman was attending a conference in Africa. He had a free day and wanted to play a round of golf. He was directed to a golf course in the nearby jungle. After a short journey,...

This is how we speed up slow play in our neck of the woods! Very effective method and no one gets hurt. (Normally no one gets hurt :lmfao ) Plus, no one will argue with you, so you do not have those ugly scenes on the course! :laughing:

Dear Abby, I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs......... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I...

A good friend of mine emailed this to me, this is too funny! Why I deserve an exemption By John Garrity

Be careful when you go to pick your ball out of the hole:lmfao

There are times I wish a Judge would sentence me to this school :lmfao

Good-Bye A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying: "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa." The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?" The little girl said, ...

Dear Abby, I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. I've witnessed the usual signals; the phone rings, but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with 'the girls' a lot...

BC & GOLF

A golfer, now into his golden years, had a lifelong ambition to play the 17th hole at Sawgrass in Ponte Verde , Fla. Exactly the way the pros do it. The pros drive the ball out over the water onto the small green that is on a small spit of land. It was something he had tried hundreds of times...

Hey this is the club you need right here for those times (Now I know not many of you drive it wildly :-)) when you are in the deep rough after missing a fairway! BIG DADDY DRIVER :laughing::laughing:

Lloyd was teeing off from the back tees. On his down-swing, he suddenly realized that his wife, Jean, was about to tee off from the red tees, directly in his path. Unable to stop his down swing he nailed the ball, hit Jean directly in the right temple, killing her instantly. A few days later...

New Golf Rules for seniors I thought you would want to know. The CARP Organization (Canadian Association of Retired People) has negotiated with the USGA & the Canadian Golf Association to modify the Rules of Golf for seniors, effective January 1, 2008. Rule 1.a.5

20 absolute laws of golf 1: No matter how bad your last shot was it won't be your worst. 2: After playing your best round of golf you can be sure that your next round will be one of your worst. The probability of this law coming true increases with the number of people you tell...

http://members.shaw.ca/stephen.sutherland/golf.html :)