Forum: Humour

A woman sitting in a restaurant in St.John's, NFLD suddenly began to cough while eating a giant lobster. After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress, and two men, Bob and Bill, sitting at the next table turned to look at her. "Kin ya swaller?" asked Bob. The woman...

Ever wish that you could immediately take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the testimonials of a few women who did.... FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo...

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 am, a bit loaded I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the...

Story of Don It is important for men to remember, that as women grow older it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive and there's nothing worse than an...

In a recent Channel 4 news broadcast, it was announced that Lorena Bobbitt's sister Louella was arrested for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband as her famous sister had done several years ago. Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena. She allegedly missed the...

Two southern Indiana farmers, George and Harold are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer. George turns to Harold and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the community college and sign up for some classes." Harold thinks...

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman for the last three weekends." Father Donavon asks: "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?" "Yes, Father, 'tis I." "And who was the woman you were with?" "Sure and I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her...

This guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender gives him the drink and he drinks it. Then he looks in his shirt pocket and orders another drink. He does the same thing with the second drink and orders a third drink. The bartender pours the drink and says "listen pal I'll buy you drinks...

Hi all! Once I've found a stuning ad! http://hyperupload.com/download/37d0d167/clinton.wmv.html May call it "Power of african voodoo or "be careful with the exhibits". Since then I became a fan of such stuff. I surf the internet looking for short interesting commercials. You can see the...

RULES FOR CUTTING YOUR OWN FIREWOOD 1. Park twice as far from the tree as the tree is tall. 2. Never park downhill from the tree you are cutting down. 3. The fact that you live within driving distance of a forrest does not make you a lumberjack. 4. Just to be on the safe side, always borrow...

How To install a poor-man's security system: Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of men's used work boots ---a really big pair. Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo Magazine. Put a dog dish beside it. A really big dog dish. Leave a note on your front...

http://www.funny-games.biz/tacticalassassin.html

A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas> plains without water. > > His horse has already died of thirst. > He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his > last breath - when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out

BUSH PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY DESTROYED BY FLOOD ---Crawford, Texas A tragic flood this morning destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. The flood began in the presidential bathroom where the books were kept. Both of his books have been lost. A presidential spokesman said the...

It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow! December 9 We woke to a...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZS5Vz-phY8 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKgVa0YJkoo http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ac11mcfJDrY

One day in the future, OJ Simpson has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. 'I don't know what to do here,' says the devil. 'You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to...

Click on the good life: http://www.nike.com/nikegolf/index.htm?resetGlobalID=true :lmfao

Was that you? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COCId_LuIH0&feature=PlayList&p=8BD2F8696A90B8D4&playnext=1&index=26

Baconator and arteries http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=4632991n?source=mostpop_video

a must have for any leaf fan! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ToEq7xhaxJ8&feature=player_embedded

1959 vs 2009:-)

A cop was patrolling at night in a well-known lovers lane. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing. The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young...

"A Lion would never cheat on his wife... But a Tiger Wood."

using chuck norris jokes as a template. ______________________________________________________ -according to wikipedia, the single greatest cause of land erosion is Tiger Woods' pitching wedge. -greenpeace has tried to assassinate Tiger Woods on many occasions; but Stevie...

Always liked this one. A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, 'Excuse me, sir....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXpxC02HmOo ok so you won't understand what he is saying but you don't need to. he takes calls and gives advice for a fee but obviously has never fielded a call like this lol

A lady with a baby carriage gets on a local bus with her newborn baby.... The bus driver takes one look at the baby and starts to laugh histerically ....the lady purturbed says "what are you laughing at " the bus driver says...." that is the ugliest baby I have ever seen, no charge lady,,," he...

My Grandpa lost the trivia contest at the church social last night by one point. The last question was: "Where do most women have curly hair?" Apparently the correct answer is: Africa. He has been asked to find another place to worship......

http://www.break.com/index/awesome-russian-airbag-explosion This is hilarious...

A guy is driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talkin Dawg Fer Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever...

They’re a perfect match. . . He’s a Chiropractor and she’s a pain in the neck. They’re a perfect match. . . He’s a funny old goat and she’s a great kidder. They’re a perfect match. . . He doesn’t have a dollar and she has no sense. They’re a...

Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to take a leak. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe. Law of Probability - The probability of...

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in...

http://boredshorts.tv/2012/12/kid-snippets-drivers-ed/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hNZnlcOOz00 :-)

This is not a joke.... but the comments are certainly funny http://www.cbc.ca/news/business/story/2013/03/26/business-gates-condom.html

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was...

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go...

These great questions and answers are from the days when Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now! Q.. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat? A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness! (The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15...

Had to share this, made us all chuckle this morning at the office. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zm2sOFa29As

To good not to share. THIS IS A NON PARTISAN JOKE THAT CAN BE ENJOYED BY All PARTIES! NOT ONLY THAT-- it is POLITICALLY CORRECT!! While walking down the street one day a "Member of Parliament" is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the...

pretty funny golf match CAUTION , a couple of F bombs https://www.dkpittsburghsports.com/2019/08/10/sidney-crosby-mackinnon-bissonnette-whitney-golf-tlh/

How do you practice social distancing on a golf course? Righty's only invite your left handed golfing buddy for a round of golf. Search for only your ball off the tee. (even if it is in the rough ) Do not share a power cart....Walk (the odds are you will be on opposites sides of the...

Hey guys and gals, remember me? LOL I have started a new FB group Canadian Humour. https://www.facebook.com/groups/canadianhumour I started it because I'm fed up with the political and conspiracy theorists destroying humour groups. I moderated this place for 25 years so I figured what the...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWPGhEQhiIw&feature=emb_logo