Forum: Humour

I got this one today at work and I just had to share it.... My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that "Captain...

:laughing: Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work." The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her I want sex....

Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can. Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946. Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960. Both were particularly concerned...

A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub...She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard. "Are you the manager?" she asked, softly...

Please read the following article from the BBC website in full. You will likely be in stitches within about 2 paragraphs but please, stay with it until the end. And please, keep in mind this is not a joke. This is a real sport. And this is the real terminology. And yes..they do take tea...

A Message From Your Dog... Ten Peeves That Your Dog Has About You 1. Blaming your farts (gas) on me... not funny... not funny at all!!!

When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blonde. Now, we have a nice house, nice...

An 80 year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up. The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 80-year-old said "Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that?" The doctor considered...

Saw this on another forum and thought it was rather amusing... The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Two Scots,,, Archie and Jock, are sitting in the pub discussing Jock's forthcoming wedding. "Och, it's all going grand," says Jock. "I've got everything organized already: the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night..." Archie nods...

Should Indio sleep on the couch tonight? :hyper:

Subject: Stun gun....... ONLY A GUY WOULD DO THIS. Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. This was submitted by a guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for their anniversary. Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The...

UNDERWEAR IS IMPORTANT!! > >> > >>Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working > >>under > >>your vehicle...From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this > >>story of > >>a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have > >>their car break > >>down in...

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life...

>>You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and be too old >>to >>REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us >>who >>sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on.... >> >>If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous...

Very funny!:laughing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ziHfRsDlLr4

Anyone who has read forum posts can see the humor in this. Taken from a woodworking forum I visit... http://www.canadianwoodworking.com/p...ic.php?t=11773 Jer.

http://www.thatvideosite.com/view/2496.html

Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I saidto her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent onsomemachine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." She got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my beer.

Hilarious: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMH0bHeiRNg&eurl

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi ... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job." The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who...

A guy from Tennessee passed away and left his entire estate to his beloved widow, but she can't touch it 'til she's 14. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ How do you know when you're staying in a Tennessee hotel?When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my sink," and the clerk replies,...

http://www.wimp.com/bushcomedy/

This just came through to me, thought I better pass it along so no one gets burnt!:laughing:

Question: What's the difference between the Toronto Maple Leafs and a cigarette machine? Answer: The cigarette machine has PLAYER'S. Question: What do the Leafs and the Titanic have in common? Answer: They both look good until they hit the ice! Question: Why doesn't Hamilton have an...

Couple funny pictures I have come across...

I love how MOST (not all) americans no nothing about canada. Anyway, enjoy this clip http://www.wimp.com/aboutcanadians/

"She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit. Then I caught her spending $65.00 on make-up. So I asked how come I had to give up stuff and not her. She said she needed the make-up to look pretty for me. I told her that was what the beer was for. I don't think she's coming...

Kinda star warz.... http://rrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnhhhh.blogspot.com/

This is funny! Click on hand in my pocket spoof! http://www.cbc.ca/mercerreport/

*Jeff Foxworthy on Ontario:* *If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 36 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you live in Ontario. *If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you live in Ontario. *If...

There is a new product on the market that might help you avoid speeding tickets in the future. They will also help keep others from tailgating you, open up traffic in front of you. If you get stopped by the police just explain "I thought they were real missles officer"

REAL NEWSPAPER ADS FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old. Hateful little dog. Bites. FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog. FREE PUPPIES...

A friend of mine sent this on to me. Enjoy. There was a German, an Italian and a Newfie on death row. The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: 1. to be shot 2. to be hung 3. to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

Retired Folks Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well for example, the other day I went into town and went to a shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

send me an email http://www.softlab.ece.ntua.gr/~sivann/pub/swf/may02-smilepop-soapbox4.swf

This is the motivation Team Canada needed!!

Habs sign new power forward!

GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER 1. Sag, you're It. 2. Hide and go pee. 3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear. 4. Kick the bucket 5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over. 6. Musical recliners. 7. Simon says something incoherent. 8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.

A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas> plains without water. > > His horse has already died of thirst. > He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his > last breath - when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out

Here is a recap of them: http://sports.aol.com/nfl/superbowlads :-) :laughing:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1329362959167995041

http://www.funny-games.biz/tacticalassassin.html

How To install a poor-man's security system: Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of men's used work boots ---a really big pair. Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo Magazine. Put a dog dish beside it. A really big dog dish. Leave a note on your front...

WHY CANADIANS ARE SO TIRED For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep, not enough sunshine, too much pressure from my job, ear wax build-up, poor blood or anything else I could think of. Now I've found out the real reason I'm tired -- because I'm overworked. Here's why: The...

RULES FOR CUTTING YOUR OWN FIREWOOD 1. Park twice as far from the tree as the tree is tall. 2. Never park downhill from the tree you are cutting down. 3. The fact that you live within driving distance of a forrest does not make you a lumberjack. 4. Just to be on the safe side, always borrow...

for those that haven't seen this before;) Finally a joke that explains what it's like to be Canadian... Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven,

A male gorilla escaped from the Ottawa zoo and was soon found up in a nearby neighborhood tree. Soon a park ranger showed up with his new assistant by his side. His assistant was surprised that all the ranger brought with him was a pair of handcuffs, a little chihuahua and a shotgun for such a...

(hope this is ok to post Dan;)) The Best Chain Letter Ever Hello, my name is Lewis and I suffer from the guilt of not forwarding 50 billion chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, a poor 6-year-old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her...

Holiday Takeover Announced Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years. While details were not available...