Forum: Humour

One Star Hangover (*): No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well; however, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries. Two Star Hangover (**): No pain, but something is...

I give you the Vader Sessions. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6A0rwG39Jzk

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick...

How times have changed in 50 years! Scenario: Jack pulls into school parking lot with rifle in gun rack. 1956 - Vice Principal comes over, takes a look at Jack's rifle, goes to his car and gets his to show Jack. 2006 - School goes into lockdown, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and...

From last Saturday night, pure Gold!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-5grqhj1b8

I wonder if this will be filmed in Philly?:lmfao

This just came in over the news wire. :laughing:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yo4RIvw4B54 :lmfao :lmfao :lmfao :lmfao :lmfao

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US. An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel,the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried....

A newfie woman was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep coma. After being in the coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies,"Ma'am, you had twins!.....A boy and a girl."...

Your annual work Christmas Party?

There once was an Indian whose given name was "Onestone", so named because he had only one testicle. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!"...

Retirement Planning: If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the Original $1000.00. With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.

Monica and familly.

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THE COAT HANGER A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her small daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication. She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car. She didn't know what to...

Too funny! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pa_7P5AbUww

Apparently no one has warned her about the dangers of doing what she is doing here! Check the photos out in sequence, and look closely at the last one! :lmfao

http://www.jibjab.com/JokeBox/JokeBox/jibjab/id/222185/jokeid/66234

How many forum users does it take to change a lightbulb? 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently 7 to caution about the dangers of changing...

Check this one out, was almost in tears reading it. Chili Contest The notes are from an inexperienced Eastern Sportswriter chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast: Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The Judge...

THE LISP It was Halloween and a little boy, who had a speech impediment, was out Trick-or-Treating. He came to a man's house and said "Bick or Beet". The man asked, "What are you for Halloween?" "A birate," the little boy said. Now, everyone knows that pirates are associated with...

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) US Defence Secretary Donald Rumsfeld briefed President Bush this morning. He told Bush that three Brazilian soldiers had been killed in Iraq. To everyone's amazement, all of the color drained from Bush's face, then he collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken,...

LATE BREAKING NEWS FLASH Apparently SOUTHWOLD TOWNSHIP, home of the Green Lane Landfill will be putting in an offer to buy the Toronto Maple Leafs. Since the Township will receiving 2/3's of Toronto's GARBAGE by 2010 they might as well have all of it! :lmfao

> Should children witness childbirth? > > Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the > call. > The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a > 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so > he could see while he > helped deliver the baby. ...

I thought this was funny.

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?...

I came across this and thought it was humerous. This is what happens to public figures when divorces get messy!:laughing:

I wonder how long it took for him to sell his motorcycle ? :laughing: :laughing: ] $10,000 06' Suzuki GSXR 1000 Farmington, UT 84025 - Aug 7, 2006 2006 Suzuki 1000. This bike is perfect! It has 1000 miles and has had its 500 mile dealer service. (Expensive) It's been adult ridden, all...

Tiger Woods Enjoying His Last Bit of Dominance Until Michelle Wie Starts Crushing Him Tiger Woods capped off his dominant victory in last weekend’s Buick Open with a powerful fist-pump on the 18th green – a sign he is fully aware he must savor...

I apologize in advance to all the ladies out there......but this is just too damn funny not to post.. A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using...

.. My wife and I divorced over religious differences. She thought she was God and I didn't. .. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me! .. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. .. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. .. Don't take life too...

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process\ all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read:

BUSH PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY DESTROYED BY FLOOD ---Crawford, Texas A tragic flood this morning destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. The flood began in the presidential bathroom where the books were kept. Both of his books have been lost. A presidential spokesman said the...

This is funny! CAUTION: Be prepared to laugh out loud All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, and play with the...

http://www.funnyhub.com/videos/pages/chip-it-out.html :laughing::laughing:

The Fish Texas redneck was stopped by a game warden in East Texas recently with two ice chests of fish, leaving LakeFork well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?" "Naw, my friend, I ain't got no license. These here are...

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, the US Attorney General said he...

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket . They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She...

Avast ye scurvy bilge rats... http://www.talklikeapirate.com./piratehome.html

I just watched a whole lot of chapelle and the best of will ferrell. Man, I think I peed a little during each. Who's the funniest man on the planet?

45 days in jail for golf iron attack. Was the iron a Titleist? http://www.ottawasun.com/News/OttawaAndRegion/2006/06/02/1610715-sun.html

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club... A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk... Everyone else in the room stops to listen... MAN: "Hello"... WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club...?"

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the...

Living Will Form I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on...

DON' THINK YOUR TIME ISN'T COMING FOR THIS:-) An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the...

I don't think this will be considered offensive but if so, I apologize in advance... A Married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice "I know we've been...

Newspaper Classifieds (Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers) 20. Stock up and save. Limit: one. 19. Illiterate? Write today for free help. 18. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

NOW REMEMBER I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST BLONDES! I just thought this was funny. :-) Bob walks into a bar and sits down beside a blonde lady at 9:58PM. Just as he orders his beer the 10PM News comes on and shows a guy on a window ledge saying he is going to jump. Bob says to the blonde "Do...