Forum: Humour

The best way to shave 4 to 6 strokes of your golf game is to ..... Quit after 17 holes. :hyper:

Movie Reviews by Maddox Warning: Language and Mature Themes.... Dan

As mentioned in a different thread, here is the link to the immortal "All Your Base Are Belong To Us" .swf http://www.planettribes.com/allyourbase/index.shtml The original is linked on "Video 1" link from left menu bar.... Enjoy! Dan

A little imagination goes a long way. :-) http://uk.download.yahoo.com/ne/fu/attachments/buildabetterbush.htm

A man is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet. "Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet"...

Did anyone see the clip from This Hour Has 22 Minutes (I think) where the guy asks Vijay this joke at the Bell Canadian Open: "What do you call 150 white guys chasing 2 black guys?" "The PGA Tour." Ha! Anyone know where I can download that clip to show my uncle, cause Vijay cracked up...

Dont let this be you this Christmas. :noddin

Is it cold enough for ya?

This is very funny friday humour! http://www.personal.psu.edu/users/b/m/bms269/Movies/richard.wmv :lol2 :lol2

This is cool! See how far you can go. http://www.wagenschenke.ch/index2.htm.

Two Minnesota duffers have created a brand of golf merchandise that brings self-deprecating whimsy to a sport that has humbled even mighty pros. Unlike marketers whose balls, shirts and hats try to associate the buyer with a golf hero, a legendary course or top-flight performance, the new BogeyPro...

It's back....oh this is going to be crazy!!!: http://fugitive.hot899.com/

Fore!

Two tourists were driving through Nova Scotia. As they were approaching Schubenacadie, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, "Before we...

Little Jacques was in his class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up - - Fireman, policeman, salesman, etc. Jacques was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father. "My father's an exotic...

I've had it with gas prices.

Deep thought for the day.... Some people are like Slinkies ....

A fish story Boudreaux been fish'n down by de bayou all day and he done run outa night crawlers. He be bout reddy to leave when he seen a snake wif a big frog in his mouf. He knowed dat dem big bass fish like dem frogs, so he decided to steal dat froggie. Dat snake, he be a cotton mouf...

A golf Pro from the PGA drives up to Canada with his Volvo to play in the Canadian Open. He stop at a gas station gets out of the car and tells the service guy to fill her up. He then goes to the restroom. When he comes back to the car the service guy says “Totals up to $35”. The Pro reaches...

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey,"died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family...

Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars? What about those long and boring conference calls? "BS Bingo" is a way to change all of that: 1. Before (or during) your next meeting, seminar, or conference call, prepare your "BS Bingo" card by drawing a square (I find that 5" x 5" is...

So these two aliens land on earth and end up at a gas station. The one big alien goes up to the gas pump thinking it can provide him with information and says "take me to your leader or I'll shoot you". Of course the gas pump doesn't respond. The smaller alien says to the bigger one "don't mess...

I think this song will be TOP TEN in a matter of weeks:laughing: :laughing: Go listen and you be the judge! http://jbreck.com/itsshardtokiss.html

Don't honk your horn at old ladies while they cross the street in front of you!:cool :laughing: http://www.clipdump.com/goLink.php?Id=6980

A man and a woman who had never met before were both married to other people but, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in...

Reporter at an all time high...

The men's room at the Sofitel in Queenstown New Zealand:-)

Holiday Takeover Announced Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years. While details were not available...

(hope this is ok to post Dan;)) The Best Chain Letter Ever Hello, my name is Lewis and I suffer from the guilt of not forwarding 50 billion chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, a poor 6-year-old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her...

for those that haven't seen this before;) Finally a joke that explains what it's like to be Canadian... Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven,

WHY CANADIANS ARE SO TIRED For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep, not enough sunshine, too much pressure from my job, ear wax build-up, poor blood or anything else I could think of. Now I've found out the real reason I'm tired -- because I'm overworked. Here's why: The...

swinging from an athletic position http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujJt3ZlN01g

http://www.patentlysilly.com/patent.php?patID=6988954

BEST LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE AND PROBABLY THE CENTURY!! Charlotte , North Carolina . USA . A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars...

Hope this makes it by the censors, it's not "filthy" IMO, just a little raunchy... Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are talking. Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him...

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she...

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!' The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?' 'Doesn't matter,' she said....

From this morning's Globe and Mail in the Social Studies section. Who knew the Globe could be so funny. ------------------ Undateable you Anne Coyle and Ellen Rakieten have published Undateable: 311 Things Guys Do That Guarantee They Won’t Be Dating or Having Sex. An excerpt: “The guy...

So I'm not sure if this is in the right section but it's humorous so it should be fine. I think we all need to learn this swing:

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, And all the patients were out in the yard shouting, ' 13....13....13. ' The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a Little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see What was going on..... Some idiot poked me in the eye with...

Saw this on another golf forum and just had to share: http://www.b3ta.com/links/Favourable_Lie

A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years.He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her...

On the first day, Bill sadly packed his belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, Bill had the movers come and collect his things. On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light; put on some music and feasted...

for example... A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a...

Our Father, who art in heaven hallowed be thy Name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this week our weekly rain Signed: LVM

Fourguys have been going on the same golf trip for many years. This year, Ralph'swife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Andthus he calls his buddies and tells them the bad news. Twodays later, the 3 other guys arrive at the resort to begin their yearlygolf getaway. And of...

enjoy... http://buttonz75.wordpress.com/2010/06/30/why-never-to-ask-favours-from-the-designers/

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shotgun shack: “Talking Dog For Sale”. He knocks and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting...

A farmer had 5 female pigs and times were getting tough, so he went to the country fair to sell his pigs. At the fair, he came across a farmer who had 5 male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50. The two farmers lived 60 miles away from each other so...