Forum: Humour

My Grandpa lost the trivia contest at the church social last night by one point. The last question was: "Where do most women have curly hair?" Apparently the correct answer is: Africa. He has been asked to find another place to worship......

A lawyer, from London , runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from London and is certain that he has a better education then any cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow...

A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years.He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her...

“Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong" “Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.” “A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.” “Words that soak into your ears are whispered…....not yelled.” “Meanness don't just happen overnight.”

These are hilarious. Full length commercials for American Express http://www.jerry.digisle.tv/room.html

The Dec 8th In The Bleachers comic: http://www.ucomics.com/inthebleachers/

From the In The Bleachers comics

You have to watch them...

Retired Folks Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well for example, the other day I went into town and went to a shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

A guy from Tennessee passed away and left his entire estate to his beloved widow, but she can't touch it 'til she's 14. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ How do you know when you're staying in a Tennessee hotel?When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my sink," and the clerk replies,...

Avast ye scurvy bilge rats... http://www.talklikeapirate.com./piratehome.html

Don't know if anyone has seen this before... http://www.gearbits.com/archives/2004/04/ebay_classic_ry.html

This really works! If you don't believe it, just try this experiment. Put your dog and your spouse in the trunk of the car for an hour. When you open the trunk, which one is really happy to see you?

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She...

Its funny how golf advertising has changed .. see these clips .... Golf ads Imagine 13 for 12 .. good idea:)

This is cool! See how far you can go. http://www.wagenschenke.ch/index2.htm.

O.k first off,im no big meany! Was in my basement today,had a wedge out and a couple of those plastic balls with the holes in them. Chipping into a bucket from about 4 feet or so,my 4 year old son took one in the forhead! What happened next was funny beyond anything(you guys out there with kids...

This is funny,

try this, http://www.banditos.info/speles/sobersanta2.swf

Heres another one for all you people out there with nothing better to do:-) http://n.ethz.ch/student/mkos/pinguin.swf

Holiday Takeover Announced Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years. While details were not available...

Habs sign new power forward!

This is funny! Click on hand in my pocket spoof! http://www.cbc.ca/mercerreport/

A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub...She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard. "Are you the manager?" she asked, softly...

Very funny!:laughing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ziHfRsDlLr4

>>You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and be too old >>to >>REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us >>who >>sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on.... >> >>If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous...

UNDERWEAR IS IMPORTANT!! > >> > >>Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working > >>under > >>your vehicle...From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this > >>story of > >>a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have > >>their car break > >>down in...

:laughing: Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work." The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her I want sex....

Too funny! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pa_7P5AbUww

Monica and familly.

Too funny!

FRENCH WAR HEROES by Jacques Chirac HOW I SERVED MY COUNTRY by Jane Fonda MY BEAUTY SECRETS by Janet Reno HOW TO BUILD YOUR OWN AIRPLANE

How many forum users does it take to change a lightbulb? 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently 7 to caution about the dangers of changing...

A newfie woman was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep coma. After being in the coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies,"Ma'am, you had twins!.....A boy and a girl."...

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?" HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?" HUSBAND: "Of course I do." WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again." WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her...

If you live in Ottawa and work for the feds, you'll appreciate this : ;) A young man from Victoria , B.C., was hired as the lifeguard at the pool at the Prime Minister's residence at 24 Sussex Drive. The Harper family was making use of the pool when one of their two ...

After this post, anyone wanting to continue the store must only post ONE WORD... Lets see where our minds take us on this journey... It all started one sunny friday morning when......

WHOAH, ain't that the truth: http://www.sydes.net/jokes/flash/beer.swf

Obviously "The Contest" is probably the best one for me and for many others. I also liked "The Shrinkage" one. You ?

It's back....oh this is going to be crazy!!!: http://fugitive.hot899.com/

1. A ball sliced or hooked into the rough shall be lifted and placed in the fairway at a point equal to the distance it carried or rolled in the rough. Such veering to the right or to the left frequently results from the friction between the face of the club and the cover of the ball, and the...

Here is a recap of them: http://sports.aol.com/nfl/superbowlads :-) :laughing:

Hilarious: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMH0bHeiRNg&eurl

Here they are: 10> You won't go to estate auctions because they don't take PayPal. 9> Every time you go to the grocery store, you offer the cashier one cent more for each item in the cart of the person in front of you. 8> To cut costs, FedEx and UPS are considering relocating...

Saw this on the FGI and thought I would share. Enjoy!! http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=5527273221

Saw this on FGI and just had to share: Things that only movies can teach you: During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once. All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555. Most dogs are immortal.

Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I saidto her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent onsomemachine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." She got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my beer.

An 80 year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up. The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 80-year-old said "Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that?" The doctor considered...

Subject: Stun gun....... ONLY A GUY WOULD DO THIS. Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. This was submitted by a guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for their anniversary. Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The...

This is funny! CAUTION: Be prepared to laugh out loud All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, and play with the...