Forum: Humour

This is how it should be

Ha Ha...

Fore!

Two tourists were driving through Nova Scotia. As they were approaching Schubenacadie, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, "Before we...

Better take note guys................... :laughing:

Little Jacques was in his class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up - - Fireman, policeman, salesman, etc. Jacques was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father. "My father's an exotic...

1. A ball sliced or hooked into the rough shall be lifted and placed in the fairway at a point equal to the distance it carried or rolled in the rough. Such veering to the right or to the left frequently results from the friction between the face of the club and the cover of the ball, and the...

A grade school teacher in Kentucky asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating." The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate,...

I've had it with gas prices.

Funny Stuff by Jack Black

Why do seaguls fly over the sea and not over the bay? Scroll down to find out why

A funny one... Open up Google and type "failure" and click "I'm feeling lucky". See what you get? :-)

A man walks into a bar...ouch.

FRENCH WAR HEROES by Jacques Chirac HOW I SERVED MY COUNTRY by Jane Fonda MY BEAUTY SECRETS by Janet Reno HOW TO BUILD YOUR OWN AIRPLANE

Deep thought for the day.... Some people are like Slinkies ....

Anybody knows why Tiger is not using urinals anymore? No it is not a sex thing. Let your imagination flow and take a guess :-)

A fish story Boudreaux been fish'n down by de bayou all day and he done run outa night crawlers. He be bout reddy to leave when he seen a snake wif a big frog in his mouf. He knowed dat dem big bass fish like dem frogs, so he decided to steal dat froggie. Dat snake, he be a cotton mouf...

A man standing in line at a check-out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when an attractive woman behind him said, "Hello!" Her face was beaming. He gave her that "who-are-you?" look and couldn't remember ever having seen her before. Then, noticing his look, she figured she had made a...

Apparently the sign said NO GOLFING ALLOWED Apparently this dude did not read the sign.

A golf Pro from the PGA drives up to Canada with his Volvo to play in the Canadian Open. He stop at a gas station gets out of the car and tells the service guy to fill her up. He then goes to the restroom. When he comes back to the car the service guy says “Totals up to $35”. The Pro reaches...

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey,"died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family...

PLEASE DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY, I DO NOT HATE BLONDES! IN FACT MY DAUGHTER IS BLONDE AND I EMAILED HER THIS JOKE!:-) Two blondes were walking through the woods and came upon a set of tracks. One blonde said that they were deer tracks. The other blonde said that they were moose...

Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars? What about those long and boring conference calls? "BS Bingo" is a way to change all of that: 1. Before (or during) your next meeting, seminar, or conference call, prepare your "BS Bingo" card by drawing a square (I find that 5" x 5" is...

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger standing in a pouring down rain is asking for a push. "Not a chance" says the husband - "It's three o'clock in the morning!" He slams the...

So an elephant asks the camel "why do you have two boob are your back?". The camel responds "that's funny coming from a guy who has a d!ck on his face".

Custody Battle Ruling: A seven year old boy from Toronto was at the centre of a courtroom drama in an Ontario Superior Courthouse this morning when he challenged a court ruling over who should have legal custody of the juvenile. The boy has a history of being beaten repeatedly by both...

These will be installed in all vehicles for the 2006 models.:-)

A husband and wife are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while they are in bed. The husband turns to the wife and says, "Do you want to have sex?" "No." She answered. The husband asks, "Is that your final answer?" "Yes." She replied. He says, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." ...

So these two aliens land on earth and end up at a gas station. The one big alien goes up to the gas pump thinking it can provide him with information and says "take me to your leader or I'll shoot you". Of course the gas pump doesn't respond. The smaller alien says to the bigger one "don't mess...

Dear Husband; I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last...

I think this song will be TOP TEN in a matter of weeks:laughing: :laughing: Go listen and you be the judge! http://jbreck.com/itsshardtokiss.html

The government of Canada is proposing a 72 hour waiting period before you ae allowed to receive your purchased golf clubs. The reason behind the proposed law: http://media.kladblog.com/media/200510/golf.wmv

Story of Don It is important for men to remember, that as women grow older it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive and there's nothing worse than an...

Don't honk your horn at old ladies while they cross the street in front of you!:cool :laughing: http://www.clipdump.com/goLink.php?Id=6980

A man and a woman who had never met before were both married to other people but, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in...

In a recent Channel 4 news broadcast, it was announced that Lorena Bobbitt's sister Louella was arrested for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband as her famous sister had done several years ago. Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena. She allegedly missed the...

Two southern Indiana farmers, George and Harold are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer. George turns to Harold and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the community college and sign up for some classes." Harold thinks...

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 am, a bit loaded I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the...

Reporter at an all time high...

I love these!:-) Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honouring the least Evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners for 2005. 1.When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach,...

A woman sitting in a restaurant in St.John's, NFLD suddenly began to cough while eating a giant lobster. After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress, and two men, Bob and Bill, sitting at the next table turned to look at her. "Kin ya swaller?" asked Bob. The woman...

The best way to shave 4 to 6 strokes of your golf game is to ..... Quit after 17 holes. :hyper:

Ever wish that you could immediately take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the testimonials of a few women who did.... FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo...

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman for the last three weekends." Father Donavon asks: "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?" "Yes, Father, 'tis I." "And who was the woman you were with?" "Sure and I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her...

This guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender gives him the drink and he drinks it. Then he looks in his shirt pocket and orders another drink. He does the same thing with the second drink and orders a third drink. The bartender pours the drink and says "listen pal I'll buy you drinks...

The men's room at the Sofitel in Queenstown New Zealand:-)

Hi all! Once I've found a stuning ad! http://hyperupload.com/download/37d0d167/clinton.wmv.html May call it "Power of african voodoo or "be careful with the exhibits". Since then I became a fan of such stuff. I surf the internet looking for short interesting commercials. You can see the...

Saw this on FGI and just had to share: Things that only movies can teach you: During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once. All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555. Most dogs are immortal.

try this, http://www.banditos.info/speles/sobersanta2.swf