Forum: Humour

A guy sticks his head into a barbershop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours." The guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber...

Always liked this one. A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, 'Excuse me, sir....

A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years.He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her...

Better take note guys................... :laughing:

WHOAH, ain't that the truth: http://www.sydes.net/jokes/flash/beer.swf

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InZNBcJTmWs

Buzz Killington: Now, here's a fellow attempting to ride a bicycle. But he's having some trouble, isn't he? And do you know why? Peter: (Sighs) Why? Buzz Killington: Because he's a Scot! (laughs) Now, who here likes a good story about a bridge? Buzz Killington: I've quite a mastery...

(hope this is ok to post Dan;)) The Best Chain Letter Ever Hello, my name is Lewis and I suffer from the guilt of not forwarding 50 billion chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, a poor 6-year-old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her...

best classified ad ever

Reporter at an all time high...

BEWARE OF SNAKES ON THE GOLF COURSE :lmfao

Dog For Sale * Free to good home. * Excellent guard dog. * Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore, as there are no more thieves, murderers, or molesters left in the neighborhood for him to eat. * Most of them knew him as 'Holy ****.'

Check this big robitic dog out! :laughing:

This is not a joke.... but the comments are certainly funny http://www.cbc.ca/news/business/story/2013/03/26/business-gates-condom.html

NOW REMEMBER I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST BLONDES! I just thought this was funny. :-) Bob walks into a bar and sits down beside a blonde lady at 9:58PM. Just as he orders his beer the 10PM News comes on and shows a guy on a window ledge saying he is going to jump. Bob says to the blonde "Do...

Great cartoon video

BUSH PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY DESTROYED BY FLOOD ---Crawford, Texas A tragic flood this morning destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. The flood began in the presidential bathroom where the books were kept. Both of his books have been lost. A presidential spokesman said the...

Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars? What about those long and boring conference calls? "BS Bingo" is a way to change all of that: 1. Before (or during) your next meeting, seminar, or conference call, prepare your "BS Bingo" card by drawing a square (I find that 5" x 5" is...

I have always known this, now here is the proof. BUILT FORD TOUGH :-)

I know we have an honest bunch here, so let's see how good we all are at correctly quoting Caddyshack... no primary use of the web to reply to prompts, only for others to check up on your response if need be... you can either prompt for one character's reply to another, or to have a single...

Hey guys and gals, remember me? LOL I have started a new FB group Canadian Humour. https://www.facebook.com/groups/canadianhumour I started it because I'm fed up with the political and conspiracy theorists destroying humour groups. I moderated this place for 25 years so I figured what the...

Check this one out, was almost in tears reading it. Chili Contest The notes are from an inexperienced Eastern Sportswriter chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast: Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The Judge...

This just came in over the news wire. :laughing:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yo4RIvw4B54 :lmfao :lmfao :lmfao :lmfao :lmfao

When jack bauer lost his car keys, he tortured himslef for 30 minutes until he knew the exact location of the keys. Chuck Norris stole his keys and his car. Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas. The boogeyman checks his closet for Jack Bauer. Guns don't kill people, Jack Bauer kills people....

Saw this on another forum and thought it was rather amusing... The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Very funny!:laughing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ziHfRsDlLr4

http://www.christmas-carols.net/carols/have-yourself-merry-little.html NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

From the In The Bleachers comics

An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos,...

Please read the following article from the BBC website in full. You will likely be in stitches within about 2 paragraphs but please, stay with it until the end. And please, keep in mind this is not a joke. This is a real sport. And this is the real terminology. And yes..they do take tea...

Too funny! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pa_7P5AbUww

Custody Battle Ruling: A seven year old boy from Toronto was at the centre of a courtroom drama in an Ontario Superior Courthouse this morning when he challenged a court ruling over who should have legal custody of the juvenile. The boy has a history of being beaten repeatedly by both...

I don't think this will be considered offensive but if so, I apologize in advance... A Married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice "I know we've been...

http://www.danerd.com/media/4301_Audition+Tough+Guy+poor

I love these!:-) Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honouring the least Evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners for 2005. 1.When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach,...

Dear Abby: My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job six years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he...

Dear Husband; I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last...

A mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Mum' With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling...

A friend of mine sent this on to me. Enjoy. There was a German, an Italian and a Newfie on death row. The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: 1. to be shot 2. to be hung 3. to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

http://www.jumpstation.ca/recroom/comedy/handy.html Ah deep thoughts, they take me back to the days when SNL used to be funny. My favorite deep thought of all time is: I bet for an Indian, shooting an old fat pioneer woman in the back with an arrow, and she fires her shotgun into the...

No offense to any of the ladies who are members. Lord knows I love my wife dearly ;) But I thought this was funny :-) DEEP THOUGHTS BY MEN WHILE FISHING Two men are out ice fishing at their favorite fishing spot, just fishing quietly and drinking beer. Almost silently, so as not to...

It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow! December 9 We woke to a...

:stirthepoTo all the folks in Gatineau and Edelwiess area,my girlfriend apologizes for knocking out the power.I believe it was the tee shot on the 13th at Edelweiss,she drove it right into the Hydro tower,the ball hit two of the legs,what a loud bang bang,so hilarious

http://www.jokeroo.com/funnyvideos/mudslingerthepig.html

Have a listen to this: http://www.holytaco.com/2008/06/27/the-douchiest-phone-message-in-history/ It's reason enough not to leave phone messages, especially if you're not firing on all cylinders.

This clip is hilarious :lmfao Makes you wonder how grown ups can argue with a HUNK OF WOOD that is sitting on someone's lap :laughing: HAVE A GOOD LAUGH TODAY :-)