Forum: Humour

*Jeff Foxworthy on Ontario:* *If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 36 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you live in Ontario. *If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you live in Ontario. *If...

This is funny! Click on hand in my pocket spoof! http://www.cbc.ca/mercerreport/

I love how MOST (not all) americans no nothing about canada. Anyway, enjoy this clip http://www.wimp.com/aboutcanadians/

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi ... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job." The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who...

Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I saidto her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent onsomemachine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." She got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my beer.

http://www.thatvideosite.com/view/2496.html

Two Scots,,, Archie and Jock, are sitting in the pub discussing Jock's forthcoming wedding. "Och, it's all going grand," says Jock. "I've got everything organized already: the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night..." Archie nods...

I don't think this will be considered offensive but if so, I apologize in advance... A Married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice "I know we've been...

This is funny! CAUTION: Be prepared to laugh out loud All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, and play with the...

BUSH PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY DESTROYED BY FLOOD ---Crawford, Texas A tragic flood this morning destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. The flood began in the presidential bathroom where the books were kept. Both of his books have been lost. A presidential spokesman said the...

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?...

> Should children witness childbirth? > > Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the > call. > The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a > 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so > he could see while he > helped deliver the baby. ...

THE COAT HANGER A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her small daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication. She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car. She didn't know what to...

Monica and familly.

An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos,...

Men have better Friends Friendship between Women: A woman didn't come home one night. The next day, she told her husband she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it. Friendship between Men: A man didn't come home one night....

This might bring a smile to your face on TGIF :)

Woman's Poem Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep One who's handsome, smart and strong. One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's gainfully employed,

Guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi, you know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job." The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who...

You Think English is Easy??? Can you read these right the first time? 1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 2) The farm was used to produce produce. 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

There is a virus being passed around electronically, orally, and by hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life...

Dear Abby: My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job six years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he...

BEWARE OF SNAKES ON THE GOLF COURSE :lmfao

http://attaboy.ca/archives/2007/02/000986.php reminds me a bit of the old Nike Goalie commercials.....

I was wondering if anyone from this forum received an invitation to play in this golf tournament? I didn't, I guess the organizers knew I would be tied up watching THE SHARKS :laughing:

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US. An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel,the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried....

> A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage. When > asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate and painful > tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been > married. She went on and on and on -- neglect, lack of intimacy,...

It would be wise not to tick off a guy who owns a backhoe! :lmfao

Too funny!

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh. ! Killing any?"

http://www.comics.com/comics/dilbert/archive/dilbert-20070523.html

Hockey Fan A first grade teacher in Toronto explains to her class that she is a Toronto Maple Leaf fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Maple Leaf fans too. Not really knowing what a Maple Leaf fan is, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, their hands fly ...

No offense to any of the ladies who are members. Lord knows I love my wife dearly ;) But I thought this was funny :-) DEEP THOUGHTS BY MEN WHILE FISHING Two men are out ice fishing at their favorite fishing spot, just fishing quietly and drinking beer. Almost silently, so as not to...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=lDBBz-7PqJk&mode=related&search=

The Montana State Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising golfers to Take extra precautions and be on the alert for bears while playing on Gallatin, Helena, and Lewis and Clark National Forests Golf Courses. They advise golfers to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on their...

Rough Day At The Bar A guy walks into a bar and sits down. He orders six shots of vodka. The bartender asks the man, "Have a rough day?" The man replies, "Yeah, I found out my younger brother was gay!" The bartender says, "Man, I'm sorry to hear that. That's awful." The man downs...

So, What Do Canadians Have To Be Proud OF ? 1. Smarties 2. Crispy Crunch, Coffee Crisp 3. The size of our footballs fields, one less down, and bigger balls. 4. Baseball is Canadian - First game June 4, 1838 Ingersoll , Ontario 5. Lacrosse is Canadian 6. Hockey is Canadian 7....

TRIP TO WAL-MART You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house. Mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty. Covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit, shorts with the hole in...

http://www.jokeroo.com/funnyvideos/mudslingerthepig.html

The Obedient Wife There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real "miser" when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wif e... "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money...

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a drop off (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse which is the same size as your car and...

I am glad my wife is not a LEAFS FAN :rofl1

Freekin hilarious http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmdxW3ifYfE

Woman Wins Biggest Proline Lottery In Ontario History http://www.citynews.ca/news/news_4699.aspx She picked all 13 winners to win $444,186. She does not know jack about football:lmfao

Pedro & His Girl* * One beautiful December evening Pedro and his** girlfriend Rosita were sitting by the side of the ocean.* * It was a romantic full moon, when Pedro said,* * 'Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu.'** Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!' said Rosita.

Four old retired guys are walking down a street in Ft Myers, Florida. They turned a corner and see a sign that says, " Old Timers Bar - all drinks 10 cents." They look at each other, then go in, thinking this is too good to be true.

If you live in Ottawa and work for the feds, you'll appreciate this : ;) A young man from Victoria , B.C., was hired as the lifeguard at the pool at the Prime Minister's residence at 24 Sussex Drive. The Harper family was making use of the pool when one of their two ...

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the...